I am SO glad that you got such good advice today - agree with all of it. And you certainly do have wonderful things to offer.
It would be a huge mistake if you were to continue to try to change who you are / what you feel to suit Gabe - that is not an authentic relationship. You, he or both will grow resentful with pretend.
Be you. We all love you, just as you are. He can either see the worth that we all can see, or he should get the he!! out of your way, let the door close so that others can (and would be sure to) open.
Where doesn't matter. He can find another place, sleep in his car. That's up to him.
You are a hard-working, caring, wonderful, imperfect human being. We love you in spite of your faults. Just like you love him in spite of his faults. Just like you love Marc in spite of his faults.
If he's stupid enough to let you get away a second time, that's his problem chica.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, I set the boundary and he bolted. Just like I said he would. He doesn't understand why they can't be friends. Excuse me? This is not some girl you dated way back in high school that you are friends with. This is the woman you left me for. Inappropriate. He doesn't agree so he left.
I really didn't realize how deeply I'd gotten myself sucked in this time until he walked out the door 15 minutes ago. God, I was so stupid to hope like that. I really knew better didn't I?
Last edited by mishka422; 06/15/1003:34 AM.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Gabe will either come around or he won't. Right now he's pissed off and angry that you set a (VERY REASONABLE) boundary. He's having a tantrum.
Trust me, NO ONE knows where his head will be a week from now. Gabe is unsettled -- he's confused by OW pursuing him again (he gets a chance to be "right" with her and "win"), he's confused by running into a boundary with you, he's confused by his own feelings, including, no doubt, a whole helluva lot of self-hatred just at the moment because HE KNOWS D*MN WELL that interacting with OW is wrong, deceitful, and a bad way to treat both you and Marc. Make no mistake, despite his protestations, he knows full well he's being someone he doesn't like much.
In the meantime, take some space, respect yourself, treat yourself well. And, QUIT calling yourself stupid. Instead, recognize that you were very STRONG in choosing to open up emotionally while owning the risk. And, look how far you've come. Learning to do what you just did was essential for your future, no matter who it includes. Worst case, Gabe was a good subject for you to practice on, best case, there may yet be a surprise down the road.
You set your boundary. No need for drama over it. He can choose to respect it or not. While he's not, he doesn't get to be with you. Correct?
I agree with OT but still, it has to hurt. Having him back for awhile and then he bolts again. Wtf. Rest assured that your boundary was perfectly reasonable. It isn't like you said she had to be barred from entering his workplace. That would be nutty as it is a public place. But he chooses his FB friends, that is totally within his control and should be understandable given the history.
I mean, what kind of 'friendship' does he think they can have? Like, "Hey me and my 'friend' are going to grab a beer after work Mish"..."Me and my 'friend' are going to go to a concert", etc etc. He can have plenty of friends, just not HER. If he doesn't get that, well, I just don't believe he doesn't get that. He knows it is right he just doesn't like having 'limitations' put on him. Tough.
(Actually, FWIW, in the same sitch I would insist that a call be made to OW with me on the extension, and for Gabe to tell her quite clearly that he does not want to see her/talk to her/email her/FB her/text her at all, that he wants NO CONTACT, and that he would appreciate it if she would avoid his store. If she didn't respect his wishes, it would be time to look for a new job... A job is NOT an excuse to continue to interact with an A-partner unless one is actively and sincerely looking for a different job.)
mish, you did good. It was either that or living in fear she would pursue him long enough to have him change his mind. You would end up caught in another one of this stupid sitches we see all the time. Only THIS time it would be you putting yourself into it. You chose not to. You chose not to throw away all the things you've accomplished the last years. Good job. I agree with OT. His reaction is nothing but a well thought decision. He just reacted to a ...surprise. He didnt expect you to set boundaries. You are giving him a lot to think about and that was a move of a someone who respects herself. Bravo! Hugs K
