Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks friends, I appreciate your input more than you know!

DD and I had a good time. Last night after reading her the books we were talking about stuff (just silly things she says and wants to play) then out of the blue she said she wanted to call mommy. Usually I ask her every night if she wants to call mommy before falling asleep and lately she'd say no. Anyway, I dialed the number and handed her the phone. STBXW sounded sleepy around 8:50pm.

DD: what are you doing?
STBX: nothing
DD: where are you?
STBXW: in my room
DD: what are you doing in your room? (LMAO!!)
STBXW: did you read your books? did you have fun with daddy?
DD: yeees...
STBXW: see I knew you'd have fun with daddy
DD: yeah...but what are you doing there? (HAHA!)
STBX: nothing, I was just laying in my bed doing nothing
DD: OK, mommy can you give me lots of huggies and kisses when you see me tomorrow
STBX: of course I will, i'll give you lots of hugs and kisses
DD: no I want more than million, maybe 100 million
STBX: OK sure (then just some other silly talk)


I fell asleep soon after that myself...didn't have the energy to stay up any longer.

This morning as I was dropping DD off at school STBX showed up (again, nice new clothes). She was there to drop off DD's sleeping stuff. I handed her her mail and the alimony checks. Didn't really say much to her nor did she. We both left around the same time. I noticed she glanced at me as I was leaving but quickly looked the other way (or I would've waved bye). I got to work and sent her an email clarifying the checks and that all back payments are now caught up as per the court order. No response yet.

I sent an email to my lawyer asking her how I should proceed with the furniture issue etc. waiting to hear back before I respond.

Also, sorry if I haven't been active on your threads lately but hopefully things will calm down for me in a week or so.

[ImprovedRomeo]

The lawyer responded with:

"She can make a list of what she wants. Please let me know if you want to ask her for that list or if you would prefer I ask her attorney for it. I do not think there is an advantage to my asking for it."

duh! I know she can make a list but is that the preferrable option? I hate it when you ask "is A better? or B better" and people will respond with a "yes".

So I'm getting ready to send her my response (without the duh!) what do you guys think? I want to be reasonable about stuff, I don't want to be a jerk to her making things worse. By me asking to clarify on DD's school I don't think I am but asking her to draw up a list of things when she needs her furniture now I maybe
? Books and other small stuff? hmm...I think she needs to be specific about what this stuff is. But will that piss her off? probably.

Comments/suggestions?

[ImprovedRomeo]

Here's what I'm leaning towards:

Hi,

If you feel you need to clarify things then please do.

I've consulted with my lawyer on the division of assets. I realize you need your stuff soon so I recommend that you make your list and send it to the lawyers sooner than later. Thanks.

Should I add anything like I'm trying to be as reasonable as I can whether you want to believe it or not. We should keep DD's best interest in our minds and make the situation OK for her?

On the one hand I feel like I can't communicate with her to plan things out like I've always done and we can't be open to one another. On the other hand if I say something like that then she knows (she already does) how strongly I feel about DD's well being and she'll use that against me.

[kat727]

Nope, what you wrote is fine. Right to the point. The other stuff is emotionally charged so there is really no need to throw that stuff in.

kat

[alice444]

perfect as is. do not add any more.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks kat and alice!! I sent it to her...we'll see what happens next. I still feel butterflies in my stomach after I send her anything or when she sends me something. I almost don't want to click on the emails from her because I know it's just bad news that keeps getting worse.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Her reply didn't take long:

There are things that are mine that I woudl like to have, rest of my books, photo frames, knick knacks and the rocking chair from when I was little. Some things I can't tell you in a list until I see them. If you allow me to come over and get small things when you're there, we can make a list for the lawyers to properly credit.

I suppose we'll clarify school thru the lawyers as well. Thanks for your input.

[ClingingToHope]

Her response is similar to what's happened whenever I've had to deal with STBXW on the D. If it's anything to do with the D she JUMPS at the chance to respond. If it's a scheduling thing with the girls or anything else then it takes a few days to hear anything.

In my case, I've stopped talking about it at all. It's been a month since I heard anything. There are just a few small things I want and I doubt I'll have trouble getting them.

The one big thing I want though is my engagement and wedding rings back. They were my grandmother's. She's already agreed to give them back although she never brings them when we have to meet.

Each time you have one of these interactions the butterflies or anxiety will become less and less. You just get used to it. So will your daughter -- but she'll never like it. Ever.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks CTH.

So I guess I need to figure out how to respond. Am I OK with her coming over to make a list and take a few small things as she says (keeps insisting). Or should I tell her no to everything or yes to making a list but no to taking things.

She also wanted to 'clear up' things and now she wants to go through the lawyers about DD's school. So let's see what's her next bomb about. My guess is a different district or still pressuring me to pay for the private school.

[BobbiJo]

Thanks kat and alice!! I sent it to her...we'll see what happens next. I still feel butterflies in my stomach after I send her anything or when she sends me something. I almost don't want to click on the emails from her because I know it's just bad news that keeps getting worse.

Wow...this is so me! I never know what I am going to get, random musings on how life sucks, negative blame-crap directed at me, or what...