He can run a billion dollar company because he makes it his priority. He'll be able to make a plan and schedule for his children when they become a priority to him.
He can run a billion dollar company because he makes it his priority. He'll be able to make a plan and schedule for his children when they become a priority to him.
Too true.
By all means, give him the daycare schedule and tell him he is responsible for figuring that out to the kid's advantage. Then....let it go. If the kids miss out on stuff on Dan's watch, he will hear it from them and the teachers. Make sure that you are not involved in it except when they are there on your time.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Gotcha...that settles the schedule question. Now, in terms of the billing...our daycare won't do split bills, they don't want in the middle of it. So do I just bill him when I get bills that they went over the number of hours I paid for each week? Sorry I am not stupid, I just need help with boundaries!
Let him know this so he isn't blind sided. Then get out of it. He gets to figure it out. If he doesn't want to take them to daycare so be it. If he doesn't want to use the sitter, that is fine too. And you know what, you are okay with that too. It is called being divorced.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks guys--I was in an online class all afternoon so I was just peeking in once in awhile for feedback. Now it's over--yay! Until tomorrow--boo!
Anyway Kerry I hear you say that you guys don't text, well for Dan and I it is safer for me to text or email for a few reasons. One, emotionally I can be a little more detached in writing than in person. Sometimes in person I forget what I am trying to say, or he pushes buttons and I get uncomfortable and lose track of what I meant,etc.
Also doing it in writing means I have a record of our communications. You never know when I may need that. For example him saying it is typical for me to 'pull this stuff' and making it sound like I don't let him see the kids. I have the records of all the times he has wanted a change and I have worked with him and been flexible...
So I am heading down to the home computer (on school laptop now) to print off our visitation schedule for the next two months (June/July)...these calendars are pre-highlighted thanks to Outlook, re. who has the kids which days. But I also went in back in May and typed in all relevant events that I knew of--baseball games, vacations, birthdays, holidays, classes, meetings, etc.
I will print a copy for Dan and one for me to keep out. I transferred some to my kitchen calendar, but not all. Anyway I will pick up a copy of the Day Care summer calendars for each kid, that lists their special events for summer. And I will give both calendars to Dan after the baseball game tonight since we will both be there. Once he is armed with the needed information, it is his job to figure out what he wants to do with the kids on his days. Period.
Hey BBJ, At the risk of over simplifying this whole mess, you just need to avoid this man at all costs. Dan: Hey what are you doing? BBJ right now I am talking to you....why what's up? NOT I am going to the schoolyard to bike ride!!!! Why do you have to be at the baseball game together? This may sound too simple but my parents rarely watched me play baseball.....I grew up reasonably well adjusted....the operative word is reasonably. Ok now here comes the 2X4....sometimes when I read your posts, I get the feeling you crave (for the lack of a better word)the contact with him .... both in person and on the phone or text. I agree with everyone here....stop doing everything for him. One more thing please explain what it is about this guy that you love? I am not trying to be a smartass...what do you find in this guy? Would he treat a friend the way he treats you?
It is sad to me John but honestly I find myself loving this Dan less and less every single day...I love parts of the Dan I used to know and experience, the Dan who wrote me love letters, made a trail of balloons up the stairs to my room in college, serenaded me when he proposed, etc etc.
Most of the truly great memories happened before we ever had kids. Not sure if that means anything or not, maybe once I became a 'mom' he stopped seeing me as a wife, or he held me up to his inflated image of his mother as perfect mom and saw me fall short, in his eyes. Which is ironic since his relationship with his mom is what has poisoned his view of all other women!
The only communication I crave is what he was doing before the bomb and then a few fleeting glimpses since the bomb, when he would text that he loved me and wanted to figure out how to be the husband I deserved. But those messages haven't been coming for 18 months now and I don't expect them to return.
I go to Nathan's ball games because Nathan asks me to go watch him and says he likes having me there. I am not going to turn him down just to make a point about Dan. Dan is a coach so he is on the field for most of the game I don't interact with him at all when I am there...
Trying to get all ducks lined up so I don't have to be near him any more except the odd parent teacher conference or something like that. Refinancing the house gets the last of my part of the divorce settled, him giving me the payout gets his last part settled. Then just straighteneing out childcare which I am doing now....
