You may want to deny this or argue against it but you are puting considerable pressure on your wife as long as you maintain these questions and attitudes.
when will she notice my changes? who knows. never possibly. is she even looking? are they actually the changes she is looking for? was there that much wrong with you that you need to change?
when will she be more vunerable? the joke here would be, slip her a mickey. same goes, trying to find her "vunerability" and eek into her heart, is good for what? A one -two month relationship with someone on the rebound. It is not going to fix your marriage. She will probably only be more annoyed at you after she realizes what you tried to do.
First, thanks for taking the time to write.
I know what you mean, and I think I let my impatience bleed through my words. I am trying very hard and sometimes I let my impatience get the better of me.
I don't think my behavior lately has been putting pressure on my W. If anything, she seems a little looser, she's been occasionally more talkative (as in SHE will start a conversation or tell me something that happened during her day). I know what you mean about not "looking" for changes. I have made the changes in hopes she will notice -- and their really isn't anything fake or affected about them.
Quote:
I'm not much into therapy, but I think your consellour gave you'all some good advice...
"Just work on being good parents. Be friends and just see how things go."
My T is great. But the problem is that it's been hard for my W to feel she is impartial since she is MY personal T. I think my W might have been OK with that advice, but I went and pushed for a neutral T. The first thing my W said at our meeting was "I wasn't sure I even wanted to bother with a neutral T." Now I want to dump the T because my W went in with an attitude I can't work with.
Quote:
You know you can love someone without expectation and you can show love without it being returned. That is where one person can save a relationship when the other doesnt want to.
I agree 100%. And it requires a lot of discipline to keep this in perspective.
You're very right McQueen. I bought The Divorce Remedy today and I am plowing through it. Read DB. It's great advice.
