And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[MHL]

I feel fine afterwards ... at least until he starts with the 'I didn't mean for that to happen' stuff. I told him 'hey, we enjoy each other, no need to feel bad' which I just - at this very minute - realized was not very validating!

I felt fine after also, just now I have to be patient b/c I know she still doesn't trust me to not fall back into old habits. When she called this morning and said "that should not have happened and that she felt remorseful" all I said back to her was, "I understand why you feel that way".

I also made sure not to ask any questions. I made that mistake last week when I asked if she was going to file for D in a couple of months.

I heard someone say (or read somewhere - I'm really losing track!) 'women need to feel connected to have sex, men need to have sex to feel connected'. Seems to be pretty true if you ask me.

PEI

Absolutely it is true, it is an cycle that can tear down a marriage. He needs intimacy to feel loved and she needs to feel loved in order to be intimate.

I am not going to push it with my W, b/c I know her guard will be up and I need to show her the unconditional love with no pressure before that will happen again.

I am certainly not making recomendations for you but I would imagine that being intimate with your H will help with the "feeling connected" piece. I think you have to do what feels right "for you" in this particular situation.

Sounds like you are headed in the right direction, it is still a time and patience thing for us all.