I'm researching and ran across your thread, Lanzo. Can I point something out that stuck out to me? You mentioned that you had issues when your parents split but didn't when you were a child. It seems to be you are repeating the process, no? Is that what you want for your Daughter? Is that to be your legacy to her?
Don't get me wrong. I am in a similar situation as far as STBX and the living arrangements. But for the financial situation I would not.
It is maddening. It is crazy. It is painful to see it on the kids faces. It is wrong. It is not healthy, is it?
Like you, I go kicking and screaming. Now that I am no longer dragging my feet, I can't seem to move fast enough. Still not what I want, but I cannot go back either. It's not that there are other women that I date. It's that I cannot live in this situation and I cannot let my kids dangle and suffer. It's that I have to admit that STBX is done. Finished. And therefore I have to move on. I cannot provide stability for my kdis in this situation as long as it continues. I will therefore change the situation as far as it is in my control and is safe for them. And myself.
World cup, huh? Who's your favored?
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
You mentioned that you had issues when your parents split but didn't when you were a child. It seems to be you are repeating the process, no? Is that what you want for your Daughter? Is that to be your legacy to her?
A Marriage breaks down a child is affected no matter how the break down is managed. This process repeats itself all the time not just here.
In terms of legacies,the one intend to leave D8 is that of being the best dad in the world, nothing will detract me from that, whether I live with her full time or not.
For the world cup I follow England but I plan to watch and enjoy as many matches as possible.
Hey Lan, My BF's parents marriage was over by the time he was 8 and his Mum started an A with his Dads best friend (jee-eez). She waited till the kids were old enough (16 and 18) before separating and moving the bf in.
What my bf remembers from his childhood is... that his parents never kissed or showed affection, that there was an atmosphere in the house and that his Dad seemed depressed and withdrawn.
If the parents had split and lived separately and been 'ok' with that and happier, instead of forcing all 4 to live in a husk of a situation, who knows, maybe my bf wouldnt have been a ticking time bomb. We'll never know hey.
Your sitch with you and W as roommates and frostiness and lack of affection and your D noticing.. may not be setting her a good example of a loving R? And kids internalise. My BF had a tonne of guilt, because his Dads unhappiness was palpable and he some how winded up feeling responsible. And he 'blew' when he got depressed himself and blamed our R ("I dont want to end up like my Dad").
I am sure you have debated this with yourself endlessly. Enjoy the world cup! Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Lan, Its sad to see you so apathetic. I remember the exciting times you were energetically "Dbing" this silly W of yours while she was f'ing the OM right to the time time you crossed the heavily patrolled border with great difficulty and she was starting to go "oh Lan". You even got to the point where W was almost open to "counseling". And now this total apathy. I have to think that the apparent "successes" here are just the luck of the draw and not really built on firm ground. In all these cases the wayward or selfish spouse saw gain in staying or coming back to the M - not good enough for me. I still believe that "commitment" is the key to a good M and the biggest component of this thing called "love". And the successes here, if they lack this, won't be able to withstand other severe storms of life which may hit again later when they are in a vulnerable state. So, if you are sticking around Lan (and anyone else for that matter) I would hope that it is because you are committed according to your marriage vows, and not because of the finances or the sex or even your D.
