What else can I do to squeak out a little more vulnerability?
I felt so good being that way and I know it made the W less stressed. But I wonder if she will learn to appreciate it or continue to ignore it.
You may want to deny this or argue against it but you are puting considerable pressure on your wife as long as you maintain these questions and attitudes.
when will she notice my changes? who knows. never possibly. is she even looking? are they actually the changes she is looking for? was there that much wrong with you that you need to change?
when will she be more vunerable? the joke here would be, slip her a mickey. same goes, trying to find her "vunerability" and eek into her heart, is good for what? A one -two month relationship with someone on the rebound. It is not going to fix your marriage. She will probably only be more annoyed at you after she realizes what you tried to do.
You should not be trying win your wife over when she is vunerable but rather when she is strong. Hence, attractiveness.
I'm not much into therapy, but I think your consellour gave you'all some good advice...
"Just work on being good parents. Be friends and just see how things go."
You know you can love someone without expectation and you can show love without it being returned. That is where one person can save a relationship when the other doesnt want to.
You said something a page or two back where you could not understand how a therapist could support people reaching their own personal goals. You need to find your own personal happiness. As your thread reads the both of you are not.
How can you share your happiness with someone else, if you are not, if you are focused on the negative, if you are not enjoying life? It is miserable enough to be around another person who is negative, but 2 unhappy people stimied in achieving what they want out of life. It is understandable then why people get divorced.
Once again attractiveness. Constantly moving forward in life, learning and experiencing new things, excitement. At least it will give you something to talk about other than "why do you not see things my way."
