Get this: he said he'd tell his parents and I asked what he would say. He said "the truth." I said "Are you going to tell them that you left me for an affair with another woman?" He said he wouldn't put it that way because it cheapened it. I said "it is cheap. Own what it is." I really think he thinks what he is doing is on this pedestal, like "look at me, I had the guts to do something for me and no one else, and no one ever does that, so I'm better than others."
Antonia, do NOT talk to him about this.. he's just squeezing info out of you on your plans and you are gift wrapping it for him.
1. Tell him as long as he dosnt' want to participate in a monogamous marriage he's not welcome in the marital home - this home is for married people. 2. As long as he is not paticipating fairly in the marriage then he may not participate in maintaining the marital home 3. You are going to regular family therapy sessions, he's welcome to join in 4. Change the locks - if he's not living there then he's not given access (find out if there's any legal problem to this) 5. YOU expose to his parents FIRST..do NOT WARN him.. he's just going to PAD it DOWN and stuff... do NOT TALK to him about how YOU are going to handle things... He cheats, YOU ACT, there is no chit chat here... He's trying to manipulate you and he did.. he already got info out of you .. STOP NEGOTIATING
The ONLY reason you talk to this guy is the following :
a. To set an example of adulthood by actions he can see and hear (inviting him to family therapy and informing him that you are going b. To get information out of HIM
Stop negotiating.. it does NOT WORK
Each time you talk to him and you two do that little dance he HEARS this :
a. I can keep cheating, she's not going to DO anything to stop me b. I can come back when I please, she's willing to be plan B c. She still has feelings for me, man I am such a hot item
That's ALL he GETS out of those exchanges... NOTHING ELSE.. he hears NOTHING ELSE
STOP THEM
This is how it goes :
a. He cheats b. You ACT c. He lies d. You ACT e. He manipulates f. You ACT
There is NO EXCHANGE phase here, no chit chat... just action and reaction... THAt is how you should be handling this...
Nothing he siad was a surprise and nothing he said changed anything...
All he's doing is testing the waters to see how safe he is to dive across the beach... SHUT him OUT physically and emotionally
No Divorce talk, that's NOT adult talk.. its cowardly and wreckless
