See....that's why I LOVE you so much OT! You know just the right words to say! That is exactly what has been rattling in my head but it was all in disjointed sentences that I couldn't seem to string together.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
That's where I fail. I don't say things to manage or manipulate Gabe but I hold things back that I fear will set him off into run away mode. That is a form of managing though isn't it? I'm not giving him the opportunity to face his own emotions in relation to what I'm saying.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
If you can't be real about these things with Gabe then why on earth would you want to be with him?? If he runs, good riddance. If he stays, good for you both.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Do you want to stay afraid? The worst that happens is that he leaves. That has happened before and you didn't fall apart. You got on the path to improving yourself. Sweetie you have got to tell yourself that you bring alot to the table and Gabe is darn lucky to be getting an oppurtunity to check out the goods. This is you in control. Changing that little bit in the way you think will do wonders I guarantee it!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
We are all afraid at times. The important thing is not to let fear make your choices for you.
You said it sister!
I have lived in fear my entire adult life. It's crazy! I overcome my fears but it takes me a LOT of time. But you are right, as usual. I don't look at things like you do. You say I bring a lot to the table. I don't see it, but I'm trying. As I have such a horrible habit of doing, I look to see what I am doing wrong and what I need to fix to make him feel ok toward me. Heck! I'm in more control of my own situation than that!!!! I'll do and say what I need to and if he doesn't like it he can walk. Where to? Begging back to the broom I would guess. He's like a living, breathing, ping pong ball.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey Mish, just checking in...see? He came home. And yes I said home, he lives there with you, he sleeps there with you, he does nice things around the house, he doesn't just show up at bedtime for sex. Right? I base my observations on your posts...
I know our situations are vastly different but we both have histories with cheating husbands. In my case when Dan came back for a few months, if I wanted sex and he didn't, I would get all emotional, weepy, ask him why he didn't want to sleep with me when he slept with her, what I could do to make him want me more, etc. His response, "Stop acting like that it is not attractive."
Now I know he has his own issues but he had a point. If you come across as wimpy, needy, whiny, well nobody is attracted by that. Did you have a right to be thrown off by seeing the broom at his workplace? Yes you did. But Gabe has a point, the only way you guys can move forward is if you BOTH move forward, you have to choose to leave that stuff in the past.
And it doesn't mean you can't be bothered by it. But you tell him up front, "Hey Gabe it kind of sucker-punched me to see her at your work last night. I can accept that I will run into her from time to time in our community but if we are going to move forward together, then you need to know I am not comfortable with you being FB friends. That crosses a line for me and if we are going to move forward, with me respecting your needs, then I ask that you respect mine."
