In my sitch, my H continued to want to be intimate with me the entire time, well over two years post bomb. Each and every time, which were always initiated by him, was followed with some sort of version of "I am sorry, we shouldn't have done that, I didn't mean for that to happen."
We are much further down the road now, I have told him I am done, but we continue to share a residence until I move out of state, and he continues to make comments, no more outward gestures, but comments, that he would LIKE to be intimate again. It has been 10 months. He is with OW, has been for years, and that does not matter to him.
For a long time, I thought, hoped, that it would keep the connection. What it really did, was shatter me, make me hate it when it did happen, because I knew he was with someone else, because I became a body and not a person, and it allowed him to still have some sort of control over me. Making the choice to not continue the behavior was not an easy one, it took me a long time to get to that point.
By the time I got there, I knew that I would be able to have a physical relationship with anyone because if I could subject myself to that, then, I could be physical with anyone, but I didn't think I could ever have an emotional relationship with another person ever again.
Since, I have found love. The difference in the physical relationship that has developed, is night and day. The trust, the comfort, the intimacy is unparalleled. Because there is a R beyond that. I can very honestly say that I will never simply have a physical encounter with anyone again. Because I know the difference now.
Something that along our journey through H's MLC, I had forgotten. There is a difference. Please be very careful with your heart. Because you may be ok with this for now, but if it continues, for months or years, it will drain your self esteem. Even if you are strong in other areas, it can be very damaging. It is OK to NOT be intimate if it is NOT good for you.
Very ok.
I didn't think so for a long time. Now I know better.
It is a personal choice that we all have to make, but I did want to share my personal perspective and experience.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
