And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

I hate that when anything does happen, he follows up with 'I didn't intend to do that, sorry' ... he seems very conflicted. I've read several threads on here where the couple kept having an intimate relationship and it helped keep the connection, and I'm also getting lots of advice about not going there. Dunno, I really need to think about it I guess.
PEI

Hey PEI,
As of last night I have ventured into being intimate with my W and I always thought that I would not go there until we were more emotionally attached. I am quickly learning that none of this goes the way that you expect it to go.

How do you feel about it afterwards?? Do you feel that your H is experiencing guilt over being intimate with you? I got the same thing from my W this morning "I didn't intend for that to happen."

Maybe they think that we are going to attach some strings to being intimate with them. I have not sought out advice on this yet but I think you go with what works IMO. If it maintains a connection then I would say go with it as long as it is not hurting you.

Hi missherlove,

We've been intimate sporadically the whole time... I had a little freak out after I found out about the EA ... but we've been together a few times since that ended too. We've talked about it, alone and with the MC, and he feels like based on what he's said about he feels etc. that he shouldn't be doing 'that' with me. He was never a 'casual sex' kind of person, didn't do much experimenting before me and stuff.

I've told him that I enjoy his body. Sex is one of the things that we've done very right for the last 5-10 years. We had a very dry spell early on due to my poor self esteem and body image, which REALLY hurt his self esteem but we've been pretty good since. My DB coach said to not pressure him but letting him know that I enjoy his body and am open to letting things happen would be ok. The MC counsellor basically told him that if it's something we do right, then not to get to hung up on what we 'should' do or what we attach to it, if we want to then we are two consenting adults who are married. She also said to leave the control in his hands so that if it happened he would be the one initiating and wouldn't feel like I pressured him into it.

All along we've been very flirty and have had several suggestive moments (tickling, wrestling etc with touching etc) which after a few days or a week usually led to an 'encounter'. The last time was our long weekend (May 24) and after that he seemed to have cooled down, although I catch him peeking and he's made compliments about my body (I've lost almost 20lbs so far).

I feel fine afterwards ... at least until he starts with the 'I didn't mean for that to happen' stuff. I told him 'hey, we enjoy each other, no need to feel bad' which I just - at this very minute - realized was not very validating! Not sure how to handle that now. Maybe I really need to back off and treat it more like I would a 'brand new relationship' ... lots of laughing and flirting but no follow-through until he's really ready. I don't know.

Every day is a new adventure *sigh* I used to like adventure!

Peace
PEI