Hey fud! Glad you're back ... you are right, you need to do this for you. Congrats in getting your project finished, that must feel really good!
I just want to say something that someone said, or I read from one of the books early on that really hit home ... "right now, your spouse thinks they know two things ... they think they know you and they think you can't/won't change". Your husband sounds like a pretty clear WAH ... maybe there isn't any MLC to deal with. Right now you both seem stuck in the "I know my spouse trap".
From the outside looking in, IMO, it looks like you are both waiting for the other to change in how you relate to each other. I give you major credit for the work you are doing regarding your anger and looking at yourself. I just don't understand why the continued pressure on your H? My DB coach also told me, when my H started to do some '180s' (not that he knew he was, but never-the-less, they were) that I had modelled them for him. I hadn't considered that, but I did. When we do talk I'm non-confrontational, I listen and validate. And now, he's not defensive and able to listen too - just as an example.
Honestly fud, confrontation is not going to help your situation. Pull back.
When it comes to you H and your M, figure out your 180s and then really do them. As MWD says, become a solution detective, do what works and don't do what doesn't.
Quote:
What I'm sad about today - it's my half birthday - I know that sounds silly but I celebrate them. I only wanted my h to say to me this morning 'happy half birthday' but I didn't get it so I'm sulky today. I will likely tell him later that I'd hoped he would have acknowledged my half birthday today just by telling me to have a good one. I know many of you disagree with that - but it's the truth so I'm going to say it and leave it at that.
Not sure what the point is in this ... you're sulking and you know it. Your H is fed up with your marriage and you're going to point out, yet again, something that HE'S done wrong. Buy yourself some flowers and have dessert at lunch time ... today is about you, and celebrate it because you are wonderful, not because someone else noticed. Honestly is important, but so is not dumping our spouses for every thing they do wrong, that's the kind of stuff that gets us here in the first place.
Happy Half Birthday ... do something nice for you today! Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
