I started DBing again with a new coach, who was really, really good for me. I decided that I could not let myself be paralyzed by depression or go into a hole and withdraw -- that's too easy. I have to keep plugging along, and here's why.

I am going to start only listening to actions and not words. My W can say "divorce" all she wants, but she's not acting that way. My W feels lonely, undesireable and unhappy and feels the only way to be happy is to get out of the M.

My coach feels we should not be in therapy together right now. We are on two different pages and sees nothing productive really happening with this new T except her arguing her point and me arguing mine, and it will only reinforce her feelings and make her feel I don't "get it." I want to make an excuse to get out of it. It's bad timing.

I am going to continue throwing myself at my children, being helpful and supportive and trying to lure her in to our fun. I have to go a bit out of character and really almost flirt with her through the kids and boost her ego. Have so much fun that she's going to want to join us -- or I will invite her. She has to see the love I have for our children all the time. What woman doesn't find that attractive -- to see her husband totally engaged with his children? Before I can get anywhere with her I have to do this until she lets her guard down a bit (hopefully).

I have been this way all weekend and I FEEL GOOD being this way. I am not stressed and crying every time I look at my kids. Who cares if she can't handle it. Me and my boys are having a GREAT time. My W has gone back to being less withdrawn, more talkative and she seems to be enjoying our time with the boys. But she is still keeping her distance. What else can I do to squeak out a little more vulnerability?

I have always classified my W as a WAW. She's chosen to walk away from the marriage without giving it a real chance now despite therapy. Yet she is not behaving like a walkaway wife. Walkaways don't want anything to do with their spouses and they don't want to do anything either. But she is still present and available to be affected by me. She still depends on me to take care of the kids. She knows how much she will lose in terms of my role as father. She wants me to "get her". And I do. I get that she feels like her life with me hit a wall that we can't get over. But if I go over the wall first and invite her to join me (in a sense), perhaps it will strike a nerve.

My question to those WAWs out there is how did or do you think you might react to a H who is always positive, always engaged with the children and not afraid to be silly and playful? I felt so good being that way and I know it made the W less stressed. But I wonder if she will learn to appreciate it or continue to ignore it.