Thinking About Life after Divorce

[Thinker]

So word has been getting around about our D, and my STBXW heard of a neighbor of ours gossiping about it and is now (rightfully so) worried about our kids hearing about the D first from someone other than us.

So now she wants to tell them -- as soon as possible.

Tomorrow.

I'm hesitant.

So far we have not settled anything about the D. We will have NO answers for the kids on any of the questions that will be important to them: where are we going to live, when, etc.

I have also been contemplating how and what we are going to tell them. I really do think that she should own it, but I know that she won't and never will. She's not capable of taking responsibility. I'm not trying to DB or get her to look at herself and change any more. I just want out in the way that causes the least damage to my kids.

Also, it's not true that she is the one who wants the D right now. I also want it, for my own sake. Anything other than "We have just decided that..." will just result in us fighting over the issues of the past, but this time in front of the kids.

I don't want to expose them to the adult issues any more than I have to...

So "we have decided that..." it is.

Any suggestions from those of you who have been there?