Well today I went to pick DD up and she seemed upset as soon as I got there DD went and hid (was kinda funny initially) that ticked her off I think and she was like where did she go? she was just here- rolling her eyes and throwing her hands up. I didn't think it was a big deal. Anyway, DD cried again saying she wanted to stay with mommy (kinda tough for me). After lots of hugs to mommy and lots of tears we were off. She was pouty for a while and then she warmed up quickly and we went to an urban farm, pet the animals etc, spent quite a bit of time there. Then we went to a lake and walked around (pics in the alt). We were walking past this kids fine arts school and DD loves to draw and color (very vivid imagination). We went in and saw other kids drawing and coloring, she was in awe. I picked up their flyer to see if I could sign her up...it's just so tough, a few months ago it wouldn't have been a no-brainer.
I got her an inexpensive toy, we ate lunch, she played with the neighbor's kid, I made ground beef+potatos+green peans over rice which we both enjoyed for dinner. She's actually finishing up while watching a cartoon.
I sent a few of DD's pics to STBXW from earlier today, not sure why really...but no response. Big surprise! she could've just said a simple 'thanks' but nothing. So from now on I won't send her any pics of DD even. Amazing what she's become...really just mind blowing.
So...I still don't know how I'm going to respond. I could stick with my response above (without the duh!) or I could tell her I'll talk to the attorney but what if the attorney says it's fine to split. I'd much rather do it all in one shot so that everything gets decided at once. Suggestions?
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 06/14/1001:55 AM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
sounds like you had a great day! I don't know how I'll handle the "I want Daddy" thing- that sounds so hard. But as you know, they turn on a dime, crying one minute, laughing the next... Seems like you're also finding creative, fun things to do with her that are inexpensive or free. That's the great thing about kids, even though we want to buy and show them everything, at this age they just want to be with you having fun no matter where it is. We go to the pet store a lot just to look at the animals, don't even buy anything.
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
Thanks guys! Well today I went to pick DD up and she seemed upset as soon as I got there DD went and hid (was kinda funny initially) that ticked her off I think and she was like So...I still don't know how I'm going to respond. I could stick with my response above (without the duh!) or I could tell her I'll talk to the attorney but what if the attorney says it's fine to split. I'd much rather do it all in one shot so that everything gets decided at once. Suggestions?
Here's the beauty of where you are now: YOU decide how you'll proceed, you are no longer at her mercy for every little thing. She's already taken you to the cleaners financially- she will likely have more spending money each month than you for awhile (sorry- and I know, I'll be in your same boat). It doesn't matter what the L says or thinks, either- unless he's giving you *legal* advice. I think the idea of an inventory, even if you don't care about every little thing (actually, especially if you don't, keep reading), is great. First of all you may have overlooked something or not even considered it up for grabs. Second, if you "let her have" a lot of stuff you could care less about, then when she fights on something you do want, you say "look, I've been more than reasonable- look at all the things I gave you willingly. THIS thing is important to me and I am keeping it". And if you don't want this to drag on for months, be thorough now and list it all. I mean, she's been living apart from you for awhile now, right? She should have a lot of her own stuff. And there's always Craigslist- I've seen couches on there for $25 if she needs one! Only half kidding. Unfortunately, that will probably be all I can afford by the time I'm through. Why should YOU have to buy new furniture just because she chose to be lazy and not take it with her before but left it for you to "store" til she was ready for it? You're not Bob's Furniture Store- she doesn't get to shop you whenever she feels like it!
My 2 cents
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Romeo, glad to read that you're making progress on detachment...and sorry it's happening this way. But you know, even though you'll be writing the cheques, you'll be free one day. Free to start fresh with living life for yourself, with our without a wonderful person by your side. (((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
your daughter is manipulating a situation, which we all do
she gets lots of attention when she cries about leaving mommy
if you are more matter of fact about it, she will be too
kids pick up on our emotions better than we think they do
validate that you know she will miss mommy and then redirect her attention to what fun things you both will be doing...don't plead...just say...keep is short and simple and then move on
the more time we spend hugging and kissing and reassuring them etc etc etc the more they will react
fig is right, SR. Kids are known to make a scene when parents drop them at school, babysitters etc but strangely enough once the parent drives away they're fine. Kids use what they can to maintain some control over a situation which is beyond them when they find it doesn't work, they stop. Continue to be extra loving and comforting to her when you're together. She must feel very insecure right now and needs that reassurance badly, and happily I can say I think you probably are on that already! Hang in, it's hard to watch our kids struggle like this but you and she will get through it! Btw, your post reminds me of my youngest D's first day of school. Mom and I were so worked up about how she would adjust, would she cry and carry on when we left? We took a whole day off work just to be there if needed. Well, we got there and the teacher showed D her cubby and D folded her Teddy bear in half and stuffed it in the cubby. We were also concerned that she wouldn't put Teddy down cuz she carried him everywhere. Then she took her seat, looked up at us and said "OK, you can go now" and that was it! We had to figure out what to do with the rest of our day. One day your D will look up at you or mom and say "OK, you can go now".
