It's been nearly 10 days since my last post as I begin to fade out here from DB land. Since that time, I filed a police report against my XW for barging into the house last week without warning. I felt violated. I had changed the locks but the door was closed but unlocked. Learned my lesson. It scared the children, my cousins and me. Now, my kids ask me to lock the door and 'will mommy break in again?". Took me time to explain about our 2 separate homes, respect, etc.
After 2 weeks, I am still being insulted in texts, somewhat harassed, but, I guess, tolerable.
I miss my children but I think I am slowly?, ?somewhat?, kinda? adapting to their absence. However, I am feeling like I am secondary, or, as a joke, just like #2. I DO think they enjoy some 'freedom' when they are with me. D7 sends me goodnite texts, I miss you notes, self-taken photos on her phone and voice notes. S9, well, it's spotty, but, he DOES seem to miss me. He loves XW but he is afraid of her.
The two of them gave me a hard time this morning. S9 didn't want to complete the 2nd of two tryouts for his baseball summer league. I required him to go (remember, he is an avid BB player and made the All Star team). Last year, I let him talk me out of his playing and, afterward, he was crying for weeks when his cousins and neighbor came home with amazing BB uniforms. I think it was his way of trying to stay home and play video games. D7 wanted pizza and when we got to our usual pizza place, suddenly, she didn't want THAT brand of pizza and wanted to go somewhere else after we arrived. GRRRRR.
It worked out.
Both apologized to me later. On the way home for our 'final' dinner before they went back, I asked them "Hi-Lo": what was their high point over the weekend and what was their low point. There were no low's.
It's a horrible feeling as a man....as a hands on father...as someone who was ready to pursue full custody, to now feel second rank to an anger driven, vindictive 'child-using' ex spouse. I don't care WHAT is written into the stips. They ultimately have the upper hand and control. Even my attorney now recommends that I pick up my children with another adult with me (a witness), to prevent the NEXT issue from arising.
There is little that I can do.
On the positive, I met the father of one of the boys on my baseball team that I help coach. Turns out that he worked for most of his career for a large real estate tycoon in NYC (I'm sure you can guess) and was recently divorced from a well known movie actress. He had the same law guardian as I did and from his political circles from prior to his divorce, knew virtually all the judges and many atty's. He gave me an amazing 'posthumous' view of my divorce proceedings and I apologize in advance if some of HIS comments annoy some of the women here:
that my judge was a tough mommy judge, pro mommy all the way
that our law guardian was a feminist and HE wasn't getting his kids until his actress-wife showed up at his children's school 'lit up' and the school notified CPS and 911. THEN...the LG changed her mind. Recall, my LG was chatting away socially with my then STBXW in spite of the facts that I had written
that our XW's were broken people
that XW's atty had a reputation for 'never letting anything end', i.e., billing the hell out of you
Everything fits to a T.
So, there you have it.
The emails from the date website are slowly waning after the initial flurry. Out of 3: -one was OK -one was the ex-wife of a physician in my hospital -one was 'batchit'
Ugh.
I hope all of you are well. Haven't been here much. Most can find me on 'visage livre' as they say in French.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
