I have to ask what makes you think your W will "settle down"?
People who are violent (your W attacked you), who lie and cheat (your W did both), who put their child in foster care so "your" side doesn't get custody (if I understand your story correctly your W did that too) and are mentally unbalanced (sounds like your W needs some help) don't just "settle down" and stop their madness. In fact she is making it worse and with each bad decision she makes she narrows her chance of any sort of custody or unsupervised visitation at all.
I mean neither you or your wife were able to follow the court ordered no contact rule. You both seem to lack self control when it comes to each other, her more than you.
Yes, the ONLY goal you should have right now is self evolution and more importantly doing what is right for your child. Your W should be put on the back burner until she decides to get help.
This is all very harsh, I know but it is amazing to me after what your daughter has been put through you would even want this woman in your life.
