Sorry - I just went through your last 3 days of pain (my post I reposted was last Wed)
Can I offer some modifications to think about (not to do blindly...only you know your sitch):
1. If she offers love and kindness, offer it back. Show her that her emotional needs can and will be met by a new kind of Silver if she returns and leaves the OM
2. Always give mystery. You are pulling her from a mysterious and exciting relationship that is full of words strangers are saying risk free. The suggestion I made can still be done, but maybe as a written offer. Something like, "These are things I have dreamt of doing but had been too nervous to try until I realized that you wanted more..." Or maybe text message her with it. YES, she will reply and joke about it. Have a thick skin. She will also be thinking about doing it. She can have you now. The other men are promises that may never occur.
3. Her family, from what you've heard, are against it. So it sounds like she is assuming a lot from general statements. By spying on her, you are getting yourself into some real emotional trouble. If we know exactly what is in someone's secrets, we can be much more hurt. That is why they are secrets. Look for the silver linings while you spy, such as when she said that she didn't want to hurt you.
4. 180,180,180. IF she is coming back, you cannot be the same man. She didn't like that man. My guess, you probably didn't like who you had become in all ways either. We get older, fatter, less romantic, less aware of hurting another, etc., etc. Find the areas you would want to change regardless of the relationship. When you blog 10-20x a day about the problem, it really seems like your self-esteem is in the dumps because of her sin. Detach from the sin & her current actions, not from her love that is buried and in jail. Use your love to understand and choose what to do rather than to smother her or get emotional. Easier said than done.
5. I don't know if you shouldn't be aware of what is going down by spying. Without kids, your only risk is really the relationship and splitting things up. You've proven what she's done. Leave it there. Detatch from the problem that is killing you. Maybe you are going crazy ~ that is what these kinds of things do! Kee the logging on, but commit to examining it once every few days. Be patient.
6. Don't worry if she gets mad. Greek commented on her H's 180s and said that at first, she was angry. (reading between lines, "why are you happy and becoming when I leave?") Instead, worry about making her mad. Why make another human angry if you can avoid it? Solve the problems you can, and then accept that how she responds will be a consequence of the solution, whether good or bad.
Only now am I starting to understand how my W interprets my porn use. I never did the chat thing or made any relationships, but I am only now accepting how she was hurt.
7. Think of yourself like a doctor. What would you need to do to help her CHOOSE her way out. No control. Just a choice. Say you cut off the internet, her phone, etc. She works...can't she just get a new phone or buy a new router? Maybe the online man would sugget Facebook on her cell. You can (and maybe should) do those things, but now that she's filed, what does she have to lose by moving out or by spending money on finding ways around the problem? Pushing her into actions that will not help will not help. Contacting the online men was a great and couragous step. If those men who professed love and sexuality with her are afraid to contact her, that gives you some time to win back her heart. Can you get them all? She needs you to help her find the medicine to return. Find out what needs you didn't meet and let her see that your actions are permanent. That her sin is going to make you a better man, with or without her. IF she chooses you, then look for limits and controls to help her when she feels controlled by the internet.
Anyways...read everything I read with caution. I'm no expert, and only you reap the rewards and consequences of everything you decided or decide to do in your troubled marriage.
