Newbie: going to try Ghandi method

[AntoniaB]

Allen A, thanks for all the advice. The only thing that I can't see working here is that it seems like friends and family don't care much. My family cares, but they don't feel they should confront him, that it might drive him further away out of anger that they confronted him and said he was wrong. He seems to know he is wrong (or at least says that) but says that he was so cautious his whole life that he needs to throw caution to the wind before "it's too late". His family is so detached from him that I doubt very much they'll try to set him straight. A v. good friend of mine was in the SAME position as him and she did reach out to him to say "STOP IT NOW". She did stop it and her marriage is intact 5 years later. But he isn't close to her. The problem overall is that he is not close to anyone BUT ME, and so while I can tell others and expose him, it seems like it doesn't matter all that much. Mutual friends of ours who know have simply said "sorry you're going through this." It's like no one wants to touch him with a ten foot pole on this issue but no one is cutting him off for it either.

He is meeting me to set some terms or tell me his plan, and I plan to say what you suggested above about the yardwork, etc.