He's confused; I'm confused

[WhatNow]

I've decide to put all contact with H here so you guys can help me decide how to react. From reading others sitch's I'm not sure how much contact I should allow.

This is good. When you postpone 'reacting' and think about it, it becomes a 'response'. (a wise person, not me, said this!) As for how much contact to allow....another wise person told me that is up to how much can you handle.

When he arrives he approaches me and hugs me briefly. Then almost flies to the other side of the room in defensive posture.

Sometimes it is hard not to giggle at their antics, isn't it?!?

So, those that have been here,where they are coming around,but still no R talk, how do I communicate that I'm trying to get on with my life w/o pushing him away? When he left today he said he'd call if he got lost. I said "don't" intending don't get lost. He said very hurt "you don't want me calling you?" sigh

You communicate it by DOING it. He is watching and will look for reassurance. I have a canned response: You know where I stand. (I have written and spoken many times: I will not have a relationship with you while you are involved with OW.) Your H is wanting reassurance. I know how you feel about not wanting to push him away but also reassure a bit. It's a tightrope, and you will get better balance with practice. I doubt one response from you will alter the course, so follow your gut based on how well you know your H and what you have learned here.