I went out of town, and I had a great time. I was amazed at the amount of attention I received from men while out with my girlfriends. I felt so good about myself. I have been emotionally beat down for so long, that I had forgotten what it felt like to have fun and feel good about myself. Since finding the last round of emails, I have been very torn with continuing my marriage. I have lost my fight. I've lost so much interest. I have lost all trust in him and respect for him. I know that I am the only one who can really know the right time to throw in the towel. I really honestly never thought I'd get to this point, but I think I've finally arrived. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow to talk some of these feelings out. When I think about all that would be involved with our four children, it makes my heart drop into my stomach. I really don't know the right thing to do anymore.
