I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[beingreal]

Hey everyone...long time & a serious update is in order.

I've been so busy with the kids & work and GAL that I have so little time to post anymore. I usually start, get pulled away & then don't get back until like 4 hours later & am too tired to finish. My apologies, I've been trying to keep up with everyone else.


Okay...serious chit...

I got a call at 3am Saturday morning from H. He is staying with his parents in a town about 40 minutes from here. There is the main house, now cramped with him, his parents & his grandmother. There is also a trailer just maybe 20 yards away from the main house. It's on a big piece of property...don't try to figure out logistics, trust me.

So anyway, the trailer was furnished--my MIL and her mom had been living in it up until the fall when my MIL had a knee replacement. H had hoped to keep doing some work on it so he could live there while he tried to get back on his feet. Except for a few old pieces of clothes he wore to work around the property in and his computers that he had in his bedroom, everything he owned was in that trailer. Including some stuff that he'd taken from here just to annoy me.

Anyone see where I'm going with this?


I get a call at 3am...the trailer was burning to the ground.

No one was in it at the time, except for my MIL's beloved 16 month old Pug, Buckeye. H was coming home from his brother's house around 230am & noticed a light on in the trailer. It wasn't a light. It was on fire.

He lost nearly everything he had. His 96 year old grandmother is distraught over the loss of her pictures, some of which were of her parents. My MIL is inconsolable over Buckeye. I'll post pics of the fire on the alt if anyone is interested.



H called today, I felt so bad for him. He isn't really in shock, he seems to be dealing, but I can understand how this must be so overwhelming for him. His mom & one of his brothers are not happy that he didn't try harder to get the dog out. Yea, they wanted him to go back into a burning trailer to find a dog who was already probably dead. She was right by the back door, but the door was locked. He knows there is no way he should have gone back in & died trying to save a dog...but he is feeling the brunt of their anger and anguish. There is no way for him to make it better or to convince them that it's not his fault.

Sounds oddly familiar, doesn't it?

Anyway... He was talking about having lost all of his clothes, the dress clothes he had, the nicer clothes he wore to school, the very expensive winter coats (wool peacoat) that we'd managed to get for clearance prices. His shoes. The Reds jersey signed by Austin Kearns that I'd gotten him for Christmas one year. Gone. All of it.

It took everything I had to keep from jumping in & offering to replace all of his stuff. Granted, my dad is going through his closet, and a friend of mine is sending a few things for him as well, but I'm not going out of my way to fix this. I can't. I'm not being mean, I'm just not going to rescue him.

WE (meaning the kids) got him a couple of shirts & a pair of shorts as an early Father's Day gift that I'll give him. I'll be happy to transport whatever people give me for him to him, but I'm not going to replace everything he lost. I can't. No matter how badly I want to.

I listened to him talk about everything, and it sounded like the H I used to know. But it doesn't mean that he's back. Or even coming out of it. So I just listened, and when he was done I said, "I'm so sorry, H. I really am. You've had to "start over" a few times in your life & you've always managed to come out on top. I have every faith that you'll work your way out of this one, too."

I didn't go into any of the ideas I've had for him to get through this, and I've had a lot. It's not for me to work through. They have to come from him and for him. Even when it's something this big.

As a good friend said, this might be just what he needs to jump start his GAL & working on himself. Or it might be the final nail in the coffin of doom that he seems to have climbed into.

The choice is his.



I did tell him to let me know what I can do to help. My mom is sending his mom a $100 gift card to a grocery store. My dad is cleaning out his closet (my dad loves clothes, it's a big deal when he gives away clothes. lol). I sorted through some soggy pictures they pulled out of the rubble yesterday & am willing to do almost anything they need from me--short of fixing everything for H. After all, it's not just him & they are still family... they are my chidlren's grandparents--they always will be.


Okay--I'm off to get more coffee. Feel free to help me through this one...I'm not sure 'What to do when a major catastrophe has hit your MLCer' is covered in the book.