I think you had several good insights there chief...
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You mentioned TM - and I come to realize how many conversations with her are about how my situation sucks or her situation sucks. It's about support. And that's fine. I think it's a mistake to think that that is going to really be anything else soon.
Of course this doesn't completely preclude the possibility of a later relationship, but I think it's very wise to recognize and acknowledge that you are both filling a role in the other's life right now. And that role is NOT a potential partner or mate.
Moreover, I'm not sure that you're really in a place right now where MORE than friendship is genuine.
Also...
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Friendly xw offers a reprieve. But I can't cling to her, or anyone else.
A friendly ex-spouse is to be highly valued - for both you and the children. My situation was made far easier by having my ex-spouse move 500 miles away. The distance made it possible to keep an amiable relationship, which made things FAR easier for the boys than had we been constantly snipping at each other.
But the real point is this one...
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I need to imagne a meaningful life without her, or a woman as the focus. That's what I'm living now, but I'm not there yet in how I feel about it.
You mentioned "fake it till you make it." I suppose there is an element of truth to that, but the reality is that you are navigating uncharted waters. Being a single Dad is something you do, you do some more, and eventually it becomes more second nature.
The key, I think, to any significant life change is to EMBRACE the change. And I mean embrace. Don't tolerate it, don't find a way to get by...actually change your perception of what your status is right now and make it a GOOD thing in your mind. Find the positives, explore the benefits. Trust me, there are many there. At a minimum, you stand to have an incredibly strengthened relationship with your boys - far beyond what you would have had if the status had remained quo.
It's normal to reflect, and it's healthy too. Keep thinking, keep considering, but don't allow it to keep you from living life.
That's the difference between surviving and thriving.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
