You're not a downer Karen! It is good input. I ask because I want to know.
The boys were too young to remember the first time, they're not aware of it.
Ok my phone is not the best way to interface with this site.
I guess my questions for myself are, how do I achieve a sense of normalcy now? It should not be contengent on xw spending time with us from time to time.
I don't have a clear vision of what things should be like now. Finding things to do with the boys, taking care of chores, going to work, making meals, all that feels like I'm going through the motions. At some point I imagine that this will bake into the feeling of a complete life. How does it happen, is it just time?
Xw isn't going to make it happen. TM isn't the path to that either, fwiw. So for my life, home, family, I'm the guy to make it happen. Is it just a matter of going through the motions? Fake it till you make it?
I guess I'm looking at this as some problem to solve, some action or event will propel me into the space where this is good and normal. I know that's not it. Intellectually I know it's time. Emotionally I know it's focus on the boys and taking care of things. They will be ok, I see that now.
I guess I need to work on my confidence as a single parent. I need to work on my sense of self. I need to figure out how to move into a space where I have friendships and it's not about support.
You mentioned TM - and I come to realize how many conversations with her are about how my situation sucks or her situation sucks. It's about support. And that's fine. I think it's a mistake to think that that is going to really be anything else soon.
The only thing to do I think is to discover more of myself in this phase. Friendly xw offers a reprieve. But I can't cling to her, or anyone else.
I need to imagne a meaningful life without her, or a woman as the focus. That's what I'm living now (well I guess it's how you define focus), but I'm not there yet in how I feel about it. It still feels broken and that I need to fix it somehow.
