Hi all! Thanks for all the input. I've decide to put all contact with H here so you guys can help me decide how to react. From reading others sitch's I'm not sure how much contact I should allow. He seems to be wanting more at times, then goes back in is tunnel.
Yesterday,H called while I was driving back from the beach( ~7hr trip). I subtly made sure he knew I had stopped over at our favorite restaurant for lunch on the way out. 180-I've never felt comfortable going out by myself. Also was mysterious about the plans for the rest of the day and what time I would be returning.
He called to clarify some things about S20. Plenty of pleasant talk, then, from me"I am hear and need to go" .
Today:H was going to visit S at group home for the first time, so I figured he wouldn't show up today. He calls and asks if I can get some things S had requested ready, he is on his way to pick them up. When he arrives he approaches me and hugs me briefly. Then almost flies to the other side of the room in defensive posture. Talks about everything he has done to the house since I left(we are renovating in hopes of sale, w/ or w/o D,in the spring)Then his usual asking if he can help with anything. Finds excuses to stay longer. Makes sure I notice the yard work and all he did.
How do I feel about all this? It took me 9 mo to get this far. I don't want to blow it! My intuition says let him cake-eat a little. Right or wrong one of his problems was me having to spend so much time dealing with mentally ill S and 2 D's (22,19)issues. So he is looking for my time. That is one reason I haven't gone totally dark for a long time. Dim has worked.
I have been trying to nc some, but not efficiently enough. I do not call or contact him unless needed about S, finances or maintenance issues. However he contacts me much more often, and I find it hard not to respond. He always has a "reason", but like yesterday he called while I was traveling to see if I needed anything at Walmart??? I answered the call because we had been deciding things about his trip to see S earlier. Then he said:"I will not be calling back" What?
He also always tries to make it seem as if he is not going over to see OW. See all this work I did,so I'm supposed to conclude he didn't have time to go see her. Whatever, there are many hours in the day, and he is not mowing the lawn after dark!
So, those that have been here,where they are coming around,but still no R talk, how do I communicate that I'm trying to get on with my life w/o pushing him away? When he left today he said he'd call if he got lost. I said "don't" intending don't get lost. He said very hurt "you don't want me calling you?" sigh
