And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[ericmsant2]

PEI

Sorry I have been away for a while and was just catching up on your post. It sound like you are moving along well (okay as well as one can). FWIW – I think you are doing great. You may not feel like it sometime but you are. Here are my thoughts….

uncomfortable at first, and often very hard - to just listen. Stop the wheels from spinning and REALLY listen, not try to fix or spin or defend.

Listening is key. It will allow you to understand what your H may be going thru. Very tough sometime..very…especially on the days that you want to smack him upside the head and tell him how much you love him. If you do feel like this, realize it is normal and also realize that although he may not say it he does know that you love him. Your actions should tell him this. One action…is to listen.

Bought this father's day card ... haven't decided yet if I'm giving it to him or not

As a father I may be a bit bias here…I would give him a card. Give him a card that is thoughtful and validates his role as a father. One opition could be to have the kids make him a card. This way you are not struggling with what to give him. Have the kids make cards from them and have them make one from all of you. Just an idea.

I feel like two people.

The first is patient and in control.[/quote}
Oh….you must mean the real you. The adult you. Yeah I met mine. Chances are you are struggling with this…you know the adult and the child ( your second person).

[quote]The second is terrified. She is obsessing about things/events/people that are outside her control and torturing herself with thoughts and scenarios that may or may not be true and/or happening.

Oh…how I also know this one….mine second person is called Dr. Doom. I have a few other nicknames for him….”panicy”, “control freak”, and my favorite “Mr. Fear”.

I'm an emotional person, and I'm learning not to react based on my emotions - but I can't turn them off. So how do I not let them drive me crazy while I 'act as if'? How do I drive the crazy monster out of my head? I want her gone.

IMO…they are never gone. Never. What they are is….controlled by the first person. They are validated, they are understood and they are fed. Yep…must feed that second emotional person. You can’t kill cause they really are a part of you.

Out of all of the things that you want to do these stick out as key IMO:

I will begin to trust myself to do what is right. I will act on things I KNOW not things I THINK or FEEL. I will stop assuming the worst and writing scripts in my head.

I am going to live. I am going to laugh. And I am going to love.

I am glad to see that you mentioned Love….yes we must learn to love…love unconditionally….love because really it is in us. Love because…we’ll LOVE CONQUERES ALL. Biblically speaking….love is what…it is patient, kind, does not anger quickly, is giving, it is understanding.

PEI you keep loving girl…don’t stop…just make sure that you also LOVE YOURSELF.


You mentioned “Letting Go”….ooohh…that one my friend is HARD.

Your walking it though…you may not see it…you may not feel it sometime PEI…your walking..your learning…

So what does letting go mean to you?


God Bless,
Eric