I went for a walk with my Aunt last night, then out for a drink and some munchies. I got a great night's sleep, and today I cleaned out my car (boy did I need to do that!), went for a walk with my baby brother and had a frozen yogurt. Got a text from H asking if I would pick him up some coffee if he paid me back, so I did. H also texted to ask what time I thought I'd be at the house. I replied by suppertime and then he replied that he was going to his brother's house so they could take a look at his brakes. I didn't ask, but he volunteered it anyway so that's a good thing I guess. I made supper and we all ate together and he invited me to go out and sit on the deck with him while we had a beer and he had a cigar - then we came in and cleaned up supper. After he gathered up his change of clothes for golfing in the morning and headed out. I said have a good night, and if you're going by there's daquaries on the deck around 10. He chuckled and said yeah? And I said have a good night.
Oh ... and major victory for me (over me) ... while we were cleaning up supper his phone received a text (says "message received") and it must have been in his pocket. I didn't say a word! NOT ONE WORD! And I know this might not seem like a big deal to some of you but it was HUGE for me! I almost did about 10 times ... and can't help but think that he didn't check it while I was there for a reason ... but still I said nothing! Score one for me!
D6 has her cousin over for a sleep over and S2 is yelling NOW for more chocolate milk so I'm off for now!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I'm jealous - not that I want my babies to grow up, but I love teenagers and can't wait until I have a house full of them! Between my two sisters and I we have 8 kids and the oldest are 6 ... they are all going to be 12 - 18 at the same time!
Whoooo hoooo!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Teenagers, a blessing and a curse. I'm lucky, my D's are amazing (no bias here)! They've had some tough stuff to deal with (outside of H and me) and I am so proud of them.
Sorry I have been away for a while and was just catching up on your post. It sound like you are moving along well (okay as well as one can). FWIW – I think you are doing great. You may not feel like it sometime but you are. Here are my thoughts….
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uncomfortable at first, and often very hard - to just listen. Stop the wheels from spinning and REALLY listen, not try to fix or spin or defend.
Listening is key. It will allow you to understand what your H may be going thru. Very tough sometime..very…especially on the days that you want to smack him upside the head and tell him how much you love him. If you do feel like this, realize it is normal and also realize that although he may not say it he does know that you love him. Your actions should tell him this. One action…is to listen.
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Bought this father's day card ... haven't decided yet if I'm giving it to him or not
As a father I may be a bit bias here…I would give him a card. Give him a card that is thoughtful and validates his role as a father. One opition could be to have the kids make him a card. This way you are not struggling with what to give him. Have the kids make cards from them and have them make one from all of you. Just an idea.
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I feel like two people.
The first is patient and in control.[/quote} Oh….you must mean the real you. The adult you. Yeah I met mine. Chances are you are struggling with this…you know the adult and the child ( your second person).
[quote]The second is terrified. She is obsessing about things/events/people that are outside her control and torturing herself with thoughts and scenarios that may or may not be true and/or happening.
Oh…how I also know this one….mine second person is called Dr. Doom. I have a few other nicknames for him….”panicy”, “control freak”, and my favorite “Mr. Fear”.
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I'm an emotional person, and I'm learning not to react based on my emotions - but I can't turn them off. So how do I not let them drive me crazy while I 'act as if'? How do I drive the crazy monster out of my head? I want her gone.
IMO…they are never gone. Never. What they are is….controlled by the first person. They are validated, they are understood and they are fed. Yep…must feed that second emotional person. You can’t kill cause they really are a part of you.
Out of all of the things that you want to do these stick out as key IMO:
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I will begin to trust myself to do what is right. I will act on things I KNOW not things I THINK or FEEL. I will stop assuming the worst and writing scripts in my head.
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I am going to live. I am going to laugh. And I am going to love.
I am glad to see that you mentioned Love….yes we must learn to love…love unconditionally….love because really it is in us. Love because…we’ll LOVE CONQUERES ALL. Biblically speaking….love is what…it is patient, kind, does not anger quickly, is giving, it is understanding.
PEI you keep loving girl…don’t stop…just make sure that you also LOVE YOURSELF.
You mentioned “Letting Go”….ooohh…that one my friend is HARD.
Your walking it though…you may not see it…you may not feel it sometime PEI…your walking..your learning…
So what does letting go mean to you?
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hey Eric! I've been watching ... you're having a tough time too ... I guess we all are eh? The kid thing is tough. No sugar coating that.
Hey ... I'm on the alt now too (I think we're friends already?) ... and I've posted a few pics ...
Letting go....
What does it REALLY mean to me?
I'm guessing that my definition will evolve as time goes on and I grow and learn. Right now I'm really focussing on letting go of things I cannot control. That's my biggie. Learning to let go and let God. That's the beast I've been fighting this week and it's been an ugly fight ... but I'll win it. With time. I know I won't win every battle, but the war is mine!
Thank you. You know it never really occured to me to validate that 'second person' inside. I really was trying to overtake her .... but you're right. She needs to be validated and fed too. But here is where the control comes in ... now I have to use it to let the first person dominate.
Re the card: at the very least I am going to get the kids to make him cards ... depending on how I feel that day I may give him the one I bought. It really says what I think of him as a daddy. He's the best.
I'm not a religious person, but I've gone back to that piece of scripture a few times ... we had it read at our wedding (who doesn't??) and I've used it for strength more than once since this rollercoaster took off.
Hope you are having a good weekend! Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Yes I am...Know what though....as wierd as it sounds, it is a good tough..one that we all must take. Coming to that place where our true self is exposed. Exposed for all to see. You will find this place. Don't rush...take your time...feel it and learn from it. Take this gift of time.
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I'm on the alt now too (I think we're friends already?) ... and I've posted a few pics ...
Yes we are friends on the alt. Your children are ADORABLE. Not that I'm a proud Dad or anything like that but please check on my angels on the alt. Although my 16 yr old is taller than me..they still and always will be my babies.
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That's the beast I've been fighting this week and it's been an ugly fight ... but I'll win it. With time. I know I won't win every battle, but the war is mine![/qupte] Yep one hell of a beast. It is a raging monster that we all must face. Oh...the need to control so that WE can feel better..the need to control so that WE do not get hurt. The need to control so that WE do not have to face our fears. Yep...control is a biznich! The fight is won over time...slowly you give up this control as you begin to realize that control never really guarentee any us anything. When you let go...you allow yourself the opportunity to really examine the who, what, where, etc. It is at this point that all YOUR questions are answered.
[qoute]Thank you. You know it never really occured to me to validate that 'second person' inside. I really was trying to overtake her .... but you're right. She needs to be validated and fed too. But here is where the control comes in ... now I have to use it to let the first person dominate.
Not dominate per se...the two will need to "get along". You can never change WHO U really are. Never. You can learn to realize characteristic about yourself and how to deal with them. Hence, you can't kill the child...only comfort it - that confort come from with in YOU. It comes from the strength that is IN YOU. Ya just need to find it. Personally, I say kick back on the beach (yes lucky you) have a drink relax and just feel who you are. The answers will come at a time when the war that rages begins to settle.
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Hope you are having a good weekend!
Had a good day with the kids yesterday. Today I am at work to catch up on a few things. Like I said earlier...enjoy the beach (note the jealousy in the tone of "enjoy the beach" - lucky YOU!). Seriously, have a good one.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
