A neuroSURGEON would deal with surgery, no? There are many other kinds of dr's who specialize in pain management. You said your W's nerve issues stem from trauma (herniated disk). Anti seizure medications have a good history of helping with nerve pain when surgery is not a good option. Acupuncture is also very helpful (and I would have never believed it until I tried it. I have severe neuropathy from my lupus). I didn't hear you mention physical therapy (something I have also had good luck with). There are many options to explore.
I suffered for a LONG time thinking this is simply what I would have to tolerate. While she might always have to tolerate some level of chronic pain for fatigue there are ways to treat it for temporary relief and better management of the rest.
I understand your W didn't want to spend time with you before but I guess only you can evaluate what is better... quantity or quality? While you might be spending time together it seems much of the time is filled with snotty remarks, you have to ask her to speak normally and the two of you nipping back and forth at each other. It seems that the two of you are falling right back in old patterns. Quality is always better than quantity IMO.
