No, I didn't have her charged with anything as she didn't do anything criminal to me directly. Have not considered bringing any sort of lawsuit against her, although it would probably bankrupt her if I did. Hmmm. There's a thought!
I also agree that there should be stiffer penalties for the third party. Alas, the scarlet letter has fallen out of use...
I often compare preying on marriages to bullying... I think there's a lot of overlap
Both can be done in person or over the internet Both cause the same psychological damage Both leave no visible mark on the LBS, but they are an emotional wreck Both are combated the same counterintuitive way - exposure Both LBS and the Victim's of bullying are intuitively nervous of exposing the bully Immature audiences cheer bullies on, celebrate their aggressiveness There's often an attempt by the bully to again plead innocence as there is often no immediate physical evidence
I could go on, but you get the idea
If someone broke into my home, spraypainted my walls, and walked out with my stereo it would be illegal... but trashing someones home, their family, and destroying a marriage is NOT?
I am very much in favour of a law against third parties violating marriages...
The harassment law may fit, depending on how its worded.. and of course, how applied...
Both are combated the same counterintuitive way - exposure Both LBS and the Victim's of bullying are intuitively nervous of exposing the bully
I whole-heartedly agree with this statement. I was a victim of extensive bullying in grade school and high school and had I known, or been told, to use this approach, I think my life would have been so much better. Instead, I was told "walk away, let it be, it will go away..."
That attitude didn't work then, and it doesn't work now.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
I really wish they took infidelity as serious as bullying... I think its because its children.. bullying in the workplace doesn't get nearly as much press
Immature audiences cheer bullies on, celebrate their aggressiveness
OW and WH have both made me out as the crazy-psycho wife for exposing them. The provost and the dept chair have looked the other way. The other grad students say nothing.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
There's often an attempt by the bully to again plead innocence as there is often no immediate physical evidence
Both have pleaded innocent numerous times, even with all the evidence to the contrary. WH has cut me out of all social activities related to his work so as to limit my exposure -- and reporting -- to his peers.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
If someone broke into my home, spraypainted my walls, and walked out with my stereo it would be illegal... but trashing someones home, their family, and destroying a marriage is NOT?
I never thought about it this way, but you're absolutely right! It should be made illegal.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
am very much in favour of a law against third parties violating marriages...
There used to be an "alienation of affection" law in most states, where an abandoned spouse could bring charges against the marriage interloper. It's been abolished in all but 7 states:
Hawaii Illinois Mississippi New Mexico North Carolina South Dakota Utah
Unfortunately I don't live in any of those 7...
Evening update:
WH got annoyed with kids tonight and went to work around 8, saying he had "stuff" to do. He was back by 10:30. Had to double-check the clock when I heard his voice downstairs. Nothing says "affair winding down" like being home before the 11 o'clock news, LOL!
The affair has been three years running... one of them is going to get frustrated with the other...
The program you are working on with L right now may help... I am wondering about that and the timing to try a gentler route like his may work... I don't have a lot of confidence in them myself, but given this has been three years they must be fighting regularly at this point...
My advice would be to hire a PI to collect hard evidence and take it to a newspaper outside the university.
My wife and I went through something similar to this at her medical clinic, she was lied to and violated for months by her Dr and when we complained to the administration the head of the clinic just insulted my wife instead and praised his doctors. The 'ole boys club' is alive and well in the twenty first century my dear... sad but true
Lets see what Larry's approach does before we advocate otherwise... I am apprehensive about contaminating his program with any advice from this forum.
Alienation of affection I think is a terrible way to handle infidelity legally.. the third parties are the level headed ones... MOST people go into long term emotional affairs when their marriages are having problems... They're vulnerable
The idea that you ignore what the outside interloping party is doing and just attack the WS is ridiculous...
if someone enters my home and steals my property easily because my wife was emotionally distraught and forgot to lock the door does that make my wife liabel or should the burglar be the one brought up on charges?
I think the main problem why we can't have a law against violating marriages is because one of the spouses consents (akin to signing a contract while drunk in my opinion which is also void), but that's an oversimplification...
This is about protecting households and families... I am shocked there isn't an enterprising politician that's all over this.. the only reason why it isn't pushed from what I can tell is that those same politicians are likley cheating. lol
if someone enters my home and steals my property easily because my wife was emotionally distraught and forgot to lock the door does that make my wife liabel or should the burglar be the one brought up on charges?
I think the main problem why we can't have a law against violating marriages is because one of the spouses consents (akin to signing a contract while drunk in my opinion which is also void), but that's an oversimplification...
You offer a valid argument, Allen, but it can only be fully understood by BS's who have walked in our shoes...
Originally Posted By: Allen A
This is about protecting households and families... I am shocked there isn't an enterprising politician that's all over this.. the only reason why it isn't pushed from what I can tell is that those same politicians are likley cheating. lol
My guess is that many of the alienation of affection laws were repealed because of politicians mistresses having their ears and not wanting to be liable for interloping.
Pictures of them actaully kissing? Phone records of calls being made or a recording OF the calls? Invoices of gifts? Can you prove you received them?
I believe he is cheating, don't get me wrong, but most people aren't going to go on public record and it is mostly just say so unless you can record him saying something or get a photo of them intimate
