Those work hours do sound tough but at the end of the day she is only working eight hours per day which is what most people work.
The nerve issues sound painful but there are so many treatments available for things of that nature. What treatments does she get now?
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome *is* an autoimmune disease but one I am not very familiar with. Blood work is a good idea but depression can be linked to many things. People who suffer with chronic pain or fatigue often are depressed because it is a very, very hard way to live. But your W should be able to manage it all much better than she is if she has the proper medical team. I hope she can find some help.
I think the main problem is your W does not respect you. IMO the two of you spend way too much time together and it isn't helping at all. You have not shown her what it will look like if you are not around, if you detach and what life would be like without you in it. There are ways to do this without hate or arguments. Have you read the DB'ing books?
His Needs Her Needs is pretty good. The examples are pretty silly but maybe they are silly to make obvious points. Honestly, until your W respects you and starts to realize if she doesn't change her attitude and outlook on life you won't be around I don't think much will change.
Start going out as much as possible without her. Start doing less around the house for her and NO MORE PURSUIT. All this time together is really not allowing you to grow and learn as an individual.
You worry your W will find somebody else to do stuff for her? Honestly, a borderline depressed woman who hasn't really explored options to treat her depression and fatigue is A LOT of work. She has already been signaled out at work for inappropriate behavior so that should not longer be an issue if her boss is smart. You are tracking the computer so you will be aware of what is going on. What do you have to lose? You either get your W's attention or you make a better life for you.
Until the dynamic changes and the two of you spend far less time together until you have a better handle on the basics she is always going to find some reason to be upset with you.
