My Husband Just Left Me

[CityGirl]

Be fabulous!

[BrownEyes]

Ugh! WH called as I was leaving and asked me to bring his ring and said he would call me when we got there so we could sit together at ceremony. I think he wants to still make it seem like a couple so as not to make it awkward. So annoyed, I brought the ring. I just don't get him. I'm going to have a great time!

[BrownEyes]

This is awful. I'm at the wedding doing my best to have a oodtimr
but everyone keeps askig when we are going to have kids, about our house and dogs. I canttake this. I seriously want to punch WH in the face I'm so angry. Everyor thinks he is so great but he has treated me like crap our entire marriage. I'm so over this.

[Ready2Change]

HUGS

[seanna]

Hang in there, it's hard for sure. It's so comforting to have this forum to vent insted of on him though, right?

[BrownEyes]

Hi Everyone, Sorry this is REALLY long!

Ok I am back from the wedding and would like to recap so we could go over how you think I did and where I could improve.

WH emailed me on Friday and said we shoudl talk about wedding (see previous posts). I ended up answering him back telling him where the wedding was and that I was planning to get a gift on my own but could add his name to the card and I would see him tomorrow.

Today, as I was leaving my house. WH called and asked me to bring his ring. I was actually really annoyed with this but just brough it because I didn't want to fight.

When WH got there (we drove seperately) he called me and told me to meet him outside place so we coudl walk in together. I was kind of irritated with this whole idea but in a way thought it was a good idea because I didn't want to damper the bride and groom's day and make it more akward.

I was looking my best! I've lost almost 15 lbs since he last saw me, got a spray tan, did my hair, new dress, etc - I was looking good! Anyway, as he approached me I was smiling, he was not. He barely looked at me and just said "did you find a good parking spot" and "can I please have my ring".

We sit down for the ceremony and don't talk the ENTIRE time. I don't even look int he direction of the bride and groom or else I would have cried and just kept singing "hookey pookey" in my head so I did not break down.

After ceremony was cocktails which we kind of stood together for a mingled. I made a point not to ask him what he was doing or follow him. If I wanted to do something (get a drink, go ot the bathroom, go to new conversation with someone else) I just did it and didn't say anything to him. He kept telling me everything he was doing like "Ok, I'm going to go to the bathroom now" and I kept thinking, why are you telling me, we aren't a couple anymore.

I did my best to get on the danceflooor and mingle. I took photos in the photobooth without WH. At dinner and throghout the WHOLE night people kept talking about our wedding and when we we were goingt to have kids, asking about your pets and house.

He kept acting like everything was normal, like "Oh yeah, our dog is such a handful". "We really love our house". For some reason this pissed me off - I felt like he could have answered the questions without using "we" and "us". That is what I tried to do - when people asked us when we were goign to have kids I would just say "I hope that I have a chid someday"

There was almost no conversation the entire night. I guess I was angry but tried not to show it to WH and also did not engage in convo unless spoken to first, did not ask him to do anything (like dance), didn't tell him where I was going.

It was really awkward - he kept looking at his phone and all I could think about what how he was probably emailing some hooker.

Then towards the end of the night he said "when are you going to leave" and I said "I dont know but you can leave whenever you want". I just didnt understand why we were having to put up such a chearade when know one was really paying attention.

Finally I was ready to leave so I told him I was ready to go (since he made it seem like he wanted to leave at the same time) and he said "hold on, I'm going to smoke a cigarette with xxx first". I think I probably acted a little annoyed and said "ok" Two minutes later he came back and said "nevermind, you can just leave if you want"

So I gathered my things and walked out the front door where WH and friend were smoking and stood there for a second thinking he might still want to do his "plan". And he just said, "are you going to your car?" and I said "yeah, okay bye!" And his friend acting surprised (obviously) and said "where are you going?" and I just said "oh, I'm leaving now, it was really great to see you." Gave a quick hug and walked away.

I got to my car and just started BAWLING. I felt like maybe I was too cold to WH? He would kind of stand behind me/follow me but like I said I didn't initiate interaction unless he did it first. I guess I felt kind of bad. I think in my mind he would have made more of an effort to make me feel comfortable or something.

Did I act the right way? I could see from his phone GPS that he left shortly after me and drove about 15 miiles to some apartment complex. I have no idea what he is doing there. He left the apartment complex after about 20 minutes which leads me to believe he was possibly seeing a prostitute but I dont have proof yet (the phone site is down so I cant see if he was calling or texting someone) but given past history it obviously wouldn't be surprising.

This is so hard. I'm so angry with everything he has done. I guess it kind of feels like he is "pulling the wool over my eyes". He does not know that I know about teh most recent incidents since he left - prositute and soliciting women online.

[Ready2Change]

I think you did great.

I will start singing "the hokey pokey" in my head when I need to keep all the brain chatter off. Thanks

HUGS

[Ready2Change]

It was good and healthy for you let the tears flow after words....

[newmama]

I got to my car and just started BAWLING. I felt like maybe I was too cold to WH? He would kind of stand behind me/follow me but like I said I didn't initiate interaction unless he did it first. I guess I felt kind of bad. I think in my mind he would have made more of an effort to make me feel comfortable or something.

Browneyes, I am so sorry but I was reading this whole summary thinking how your H was treating YOU badly! He was using you. I feel bad telling you that, but re-read your own post and you will see how he was putting up a front to everyone,being "fake" and then ignoring you or treating you badly.

It is time to detach. Maybe alanon would help you? (((HUGS)))

[BeingMe]

I think you did well, and even the bawling was a good thing --- the release of tension. I agree, your WH was using you, but now there is no need for pretend anymore. People in your life can know now, if they enquire about you and your life ... perhaps just a "we're separated at the moment", or some other simple statement like that, then turn convo to the other person.

You have the one of two excellent reasons for actually leaving a M, IMHO ... addiction. The other is abuse. One can deal with MLC, affairs, and other stupidity in a M, but those two are very difficult to overcome. Think about your future children and who you want their father to be. Advice I gave to my daughters.

Take care.