Gucci, we were on the phone because SHE CALLED ME and we have KIDS together, because there are still a MILLION things that need to be dicussed to divide up house stuff, figure out how long she needs my truck for , she has kidney surgery coming up , etc , etc. Going Dark is simply NOT an option.
She KNOWS Im busy, I have school , the house to pack , the new house to get ready , etc. Im treading a REAL fine line here, if I just " move on " then there's a VERY real likelyhood she will just use that as validation in her own mind that I never really cared.
We were talking on the phone because NEITHER of us want to have any discussions in front of the kids, especially DD, she was coming over later to get stuff and pick up the kids. Im sorry but Im NOT going to not talk to her at all. Part of DBing is also to be able to be a " friend " no ? Well how the hell am I supposed to be a friend and be there for her to talk to if I ignore her ?
You say me asking for the number for the MC is " pressure " I simply want to fact check and try to determine whats true and whats a lie. Now how am I supposed to do that if I dont ask her for it in a non threatning, non R way ? If you have the answer for that magic trick I'd love to hear it. I NEVER said anything about US going, I only asked for the number in an innocent way because I wanted to speak to them myself. SHE was the one that mentioned that WE " wouldnt be doing that for a long time "
Yes Im well aware of not chasing. But I'll say again, for her and her personality type and the way she thinks , if I show NO interest at all, then that will most certainly validate for her that I never really cared afterall. On some level she's testing to see how far and for how long Im willing to go to get her back, after 14 years I think I know most of how she ticks. You also have to keep in mind Im in competition with OM for her. And there's NO WAY Im just gonna let him win without a fight.
As far as the trying to reach stuff for her, knowing her back is screwed up , and actually showing a 180 , I should have just sat there and watched her struggle while stuffing my face with lunch? Which is one of her MAJOR complaints ? That I always put myself first. Seriously ??????
What did I "ask her on the phone " ?? Gucci Im going to say goodnight to my kids EVERY SINGLE NIGHT NO EXCEPTIONS. When she left that afternoon, I still had NO idea if I was going to be able to get the tickets last minute. SHe asked me to try and let her know by the time I called to say goodnight to DD , because it was HER weekend and she had plans herself. SHe DID NOT have to let me take DD tonite to the show. So out of respect for her request, I asked to speak to her to let her know that I DID get the tickets and what time I wanted to pick up DD, I didnt want to pass the message thru DD, for any number of reasons, including that it was a surprise for DD.
How else was I supposed to handle it ?????
Im NOT " thinking of moving into a place for HER " And I DID NOT TELL HER THAT !!!! I didnt even know for sure I had the place until TODAY. The FACT is I HAVE to downsize, it is something I can afford, the guy is willing to be VERY flexible on improvements and changes and working out a lease purchase with me next year. I LIKE the same style porches and its something relatively cheap and easy that I can do. I need the project, the house will look better for it and it just so happens that type of thing will push her buttons, Im NOT going to apologize for that OR for trying to do stuff with the kids and offering invitations for her to tag along.
Unless Im crazy, one of the points in DB is to create non threating, non R related opportunities with your spouse, so they start once again WANTING to be around you. You seem to be going against the grain of that with what your saying. BTW, I noticed the two things you never addressed was whether or not Clinical Depression could be treated WITHOUT meds AND if I should in fact tell her during our next session that YES im angry and why .
