Yesterday morning we had a really pleasant phone conversation for over an hour.
What are you doing talking on the phone for over an hour? Why would you be talking to her if she was coming over later?
Women are attracted to BUSY men. Not men who hang on the phone for an hour. Why did you call her?
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I asked her for the number of the MC she claimed she had called for us a couple weeks ago when everything exploded.
PRESSURE. Pressure doesn't work on women who leave you. You are pressuring her about MC. It is going to backfire.
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Then within a few minutes she said " I have to watch everything I say around you, you take it to literally
She is feeling pressure. You are taking every letter of every word she says and analyzing it. That isn't going to work.
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She did acknowledge that she NEVER thought of our R as a 14 year affair. Which I have to take as a good sign. She admitted that it was not a " far leap " for her to intentionally or unintentionally ( my words not hers) rekindle things with her EX.
You really have to stop trying to get her to talk about this type of stuff. You ARE pressuring her. Pursuing her. Chasing her.. That stuff doesn't work. It is making you look weak and needy. That is never attractive to men or women.
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She wanted to grab some stuff and I know she has back problems and kidney problems so I offered to get it down for her and she got annoyed, saying " I just told him the same thing, I can do things for myself , chivalry died in the 50's " I countered " Im just trying to help ( being a friend ) she came back with ," I know but if I want help I'll ask " But one of her big problems in our R is her feeling like she did EVERYTHING around the house. Now Im trying to show her my 180 about that and she rejects it ?????
You are doing these things when she has lost respect for you. This is one of the biggest mistake men on here make. A woman leaves him and then he starts doing the things she says she wanted him to do a long time ago. It comes across as doing it out of neediness. Not out of love and respect for your wife which you should have been doing BEFORE all this happened. Now it only will make her mad because she feels it as chasing and pursuing and pressue.... Please love me back, please love me back I will do what you want NOW... Don't leave me I will change."
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Then she was griping about being hungry and having to eat to take her meds, after about 2 or 3 offers from me to stop and pick her up something and her saying " no its ok " she finally accepted, which is ( from her perception of me always putting her last ) another 180 from me.
You are wayyyyyy overdoing it. Ask once and leave it at that. You are looking very needy here. Totally unattractive.
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So when I called, spoke to DD for a few minutes and asked her to put mommy on the phone. Let her know I DID get the tickets and what time I wanted to pick her up ( this is the WAW's weekend ).
She justg left a few hours earlier and now you are asking for her on the phone... PRESSURE and pursuit.. You were just looking for an excuse to talk to her yet again. No wonder she was agitated. You don't get it. She is LEAVING you. That means you had better give her some space or you are digging a deeper hole and this will only take longer.
You also asked her if things were different with you , you brought up how you were getting along better, when she was leaving you hung around still talking to her for just a few more minutes by the truck, you just had to mention you have lost weight, and now you are thinking about moving into a place that you think will turn her on...
I am telling you man.. This type of stuff doesn't work. it is way to much pursuing, pressure and weak. Men who get the women don't sit arond and think of how to please a woman and go so far out of their way. Way too much pressue and talking about the relationship and trying to make this work. The ones who try the hardest are the most likely to fail.
