Soaring Solo 2010

[antlers]

and got my beloved stepchildren to suddenly, inexplicably cut me off.

I can relate. I came into the life of my oldest daughter when she was 2 years old. I've been the only father she's ever known. I've loved her as my own. She has washed her hands of me, after being 'schooled' and encouraged to do so by her mother. It breaks my heart daily. I often think of her being little, and how much time just she and I spent together...it kills me that things are the way they are.

I've got cats. I never did like them. Then I got one for the kids after their mother left, and I liked it...a lot. So since then, we've gotten another one. They are valued members of the family. They provide a 'calming' effect to the household.

How are you doing G?

[Gardener]

Romeo,

...a friend of mine said that having a dog is like having a 2yo for the next 10 years and then the heartbreak and to recover you get another and the cycle never stops.

One takes the same risk with people. We're mortal. We know not the day nor the hour.
And a dog? Oh, the unconditional love and loyalty, the bond far outweighs the inevitable end, imo.

[Gardener]

ant,

and got my beloved stepchildren to suddenly, inexplicably cut me off.

I can relate. I came into the life of my oldest daughter when she was 2 years old. I've been the only father she's ever known. I've loved her as my own. She has washed her hands of me, after being 'schooled' and encouraged to do so by her mother. It breaks my heart daily.

Me, too. When it overwhelms me I think two things: "They are in pain, too," and "they'll be back."
They are.
They will.

Twice - years ago - when co-workers were debating the + vs. - of raising boys vs. girls, I chimed in with, "Well, I had my first daughter when she was fourteen! And her first words were, 'I don't like (Gardener)!'"
But how we grew to love each other!

Stepson, 32 blew me away in a heart-to-heart one month after the bomb by saying, "I've always thought of you as my real father." Not "just like a father," but "Like my real father." I broke down.

And you came into your stepdaughter's life when she was two? You truly are her father. She'll be back.

They'll be back.
Period.
My mantra. My heartfelt belief.

How are you doing G?

Good, thanks. Working my tail off six, six and a half days a week temporarily to catch up and keep some wolves away from the door. The fact that X went legal on me when I took in a boarder to ensure there will still be a house to sell and split proceeds and got 53% of the rent (retroactively: when the house sells) just blows me away. Thank you, X. Thank you, state of CT.

[hoosiermama]

You truly are her father. She'll be back.

They'll be back.
Period.
My mantra. My heartfelt belief.

fwiw--I believe it too.

This is not reality, altho it may temporarily be their reality. But I have no doubt--even in my own sitch, with my nieces and nephews--they'll eventually figure it out. xH will continue to be. . .well, xH. and they'll be disgusted at being lied to, disgusted at how they were manipulated into responding (like my former parents-in-law) and the discomfort of living inauthentically will outweigh the discomfort of facing someone they know they've behaved badly toward. some days, gardener, it's more a hope than a belief. but most of the time....

[Gardener]

hm,

...the discomfort of living inauthentically will outweigh the discomfort of facing someone they know they've behaved badly toward. some days, gardener, it's more a hope than a belief. but most of the time....

Exactly. Perfectly put.

some days, gardener, it's more a hope than a belief. but most of the time....

Oh, I hear you.

[antlers]

You truly are her father. She'll be back.

They'll be back.
Period.
My mantra. My heartfelt belief.

When it overwhelms me I think two things: "They are in pain, too," and "they'll be back."
They are.
They will.



Thank you Gardener and hoosiermama. I hope you guys are right about this.

[SpyBunny]

I really hope that they all do come back- yours and Antlers and everyone's. I am astonished at these mothers using the kids as sounding boards, telling them personal stuff the marriages that's none of their business, and trash-talking the dads (or step-dads- still applies). It doesn't matter how old the kids are, they are still the CHILDREN and not the wives' friends/buddies/BFFs/whatever, and telling them personal information is just not appropriate. Boundaries apply to the kids too, not just the stbx.

Hugs, Bunny

[whatisis]

I had a friend whose ex used to tell the D that mom was a slut, whore etc. (btw, he was the one cheating on her) Finally, a court appointed lawyer for the child heard these things from the child, went to court and had his visitation cut back to supervised visits at a government visitation center. He refused to go and therefore never saw his child. He was a Muslim and apparently his ex was a slut, whore etc because she wore a dress once in a while and went dancing maybe twice a year. I don't want to paint all Muslims with the same brush so we'll just call him a crazy Muslim!

[Gardener]

Thank you, Bunny,
So true. My X made her daughter her confidante. When Stepdaughter shared one thing with me, I later quoted it to STBX during her faux, phony pre-divorce remorse telephone meltdown saying."Not to me, you didn't. I wish you had told me! She responded, "I know. I wish I had, too.'

Right.

How are you?

[ImprovedRomeo]

Gardener, just checking on you to see how things are going? When are you planning to move to OR?