success stories? saved marriages?

[tristan]

Just wanted to let everyone know that I give this site a ton of credit in saving our marriage.

[Onthemountaintop]

Ok, for all the sugar-coating and tap-dancing around the facts, the absolute truth is that most of these marriages will not be saved.

I've wondered about this, too. But, then again, I know of 3 people who's marriages did work out and they do not update. The biggest updaters seem to be the ones struggling.

But in the end, if a person saves their marriage, does it matter how many doesn't? Also, don't the reasons matter? Many people on these blogs are dealing with adultery...that used to be a criminal offense. Others are dealing with drugs, addictions, and other things.

Success can be a year of struggle that doesn't work out, too. Being able to walk away knowing that you really, really tried. That you became a better person. A better future husband or wife for someone else.

Success isn't attacking the X or the WAH/WAW. Friends do that just fine. Success is in the effort.

[mza8]

Greek, thank you for sharing your experience. I know it helps me to read what worked for you and Coach.

I have a question for you and Coach that I'm not sure has been asked or not. When you and Coach were separated, who was the one to try to initiate contact and how? Calls, letters, anything? When was it clear that the time was right to test the waters? I'm at the point in my sitch where I have been leaving my W alone and taking care of the things that need to be done. It's been 8 months and I'm unsure of what to do next. Continue to wait or begin to ask if she wants to talk, date, something?

It appears that you and Coach were only separated for 3 months before you moved back. That seems like a fairly short time given that most other sitchs tend to be much longer.

Thank you both for continuing to share your story and offer your advice.

[Onthemountaintop]

Greek & Coach

If I could add to that request for info to help lostnhurt, mza, and myself....

Many people have separations. Do you think that moving out was what lit the fire for action?

[Greek]

Greek, thank you for sharing your experience. I know it helps me to read what worked for you and Coach.

I have a question for you and Coach that I'm not sure has been asked or not. When you and Coach were separated, who was the one to try to initiate contact and how? Calls, letters, anything? When was it clear that the time was right to test the waters? I'm at the point in my sitch where I have been leaving my W alone and taking care of the things that need to be done. It's been 8 months and I'm unsure of what to do next. Continue to wait or begin to ask if she wants to talk, date, something?

It appears that you and Coach were only separated for 3 months before you moved back. That seems like a fairly short time given that most other sitchs tend to be much longer.

Thank you both for continuing to share your story and offer your advice.

Coach did not contact me at all - except about the kids and that was RARE. He let his L do all the legal talking for him. We went to MC and I said I would like to date, so...after some time went by, he asked me out. Really, it was I who did the reaching out after I left. He detached and got dark. Even though I was only physically out of the house for three months, we'd had the worst year and a half you can imagine leading up to that - and could not have been further apart. Before I left, I slept in another room for I don't know how long. Coach didn't start DBing until I moved out...and that made all the difference.
Greek

[Greek]

Greek & Coach

If I could add to that request for info to help lostnhurt, mza, and myself....

Many people have separations. Do you think that moving out was what lit the fire for action?

I would say 'yest' to that.
Greek

[Greek]

Greek & Coach

If I could add to that request for info to help lostnhurt, mza, and myself....

Many people have separations. Do you think that moving out was what lit the fire for action?

I would say 'yest' to that.
Greek

Yeah...make that "yes"...not "yest"! Ha!
Greek

[ssmguy]

I was just wondering, Ive read thread after thread of very similar stories as mine. Basically one spouse wants out of the M, the other desperately wants to save the M. For the one that wants to save the M, its just an awful rollercoaster ride - but Im not really finding any stories where a M was saved, or I am missing them -

My wife and I saved our marriage. We have a huge and unresolved issue about sex, but we no longer fight about it. We've been to counseling and lots of help, but it's clear it will probably remain totally unresolved. It's just that we have learned very well how to minimize the effect on everything else in our marriage.

[mza8]

Greek, thank you again for sharing your experience. This is helpful. Gucci has been telling me to do the same and that's what I'm doing. Thanks again. mza8