still separated, headed for D?

[Seeing Red]

"I'm ready to find a great guy who will help me raise S!"

How does that sound?

Excellent!

In my own experience, talking about YOU finding someone new ALWAYS gives them pause.

I think that's the biggest reason my WH is still living in the house.

After I exposed EA in March, he told me he was leaving, he'd had enough, and he wouldn't be "at all" jealous if I found someone new. I said that was good, because I had every intention of replacing him ASAP.

BTW - I hoped he still felt the same way in about 15 years when the girls' "new dad" walked them down the aisle, because he wouldn't be invited. I would NOT repeat the drama of our wedding*, I'd just do what Mrs. X did**.

I said it in a fit of anger, but I believe it made him think twice.

Ah, Catholic guilt. So useful sometimes!

-----------------

*His parents were separated, both brought a lover to our wedding, all four stood side-by-side in the front row of the groom's side staring daggers at each other as my entire family watched, completely aghast. It was a hell of an introduction to his dysfunctional family, and he was embarrassed by it for years.

**My grade school BFF's dad left her mom when we were 19. At the final divorce hearing, Mr. X showed up with a new 30-something girlfriend -- who was 6 months pregnant with his child! Mrs. X (who was in her early 60's) was SO devastated, she stayed in bed for a month afterward. My BFF was SO disgusted that when she married later that year, she didn't tell her father (with whom she had once been very close). Mrs. X decided to rub it in by putting together a beautiful wedding album, which she had delivered to Mr. X's office. He apparently went into a crying jag when he saw it, got drunk and stayed drunk for two weeks - because, SURPRISE, SURPRISE - he was already having challenges with the girlfriend and new baby and missed BFF terribly. That she'd gotten married without telling him FINALLY made him realize just how much he'd damaged their relationship. That was in 1984. It has never recovered.

[newmama]

Am pretty sick today- texted WH and told him I was feeling crappy and he could pick up S early if he wanted. He said he'd be here in an hour! I appreciated that so much. He did say
"I heard rest is supposed to be good for this. I never got any,so I don't know." I just said "really?" because I was confused.

This has bothered me! I felt bad for not knowing he felt as bad as I am feeling! He didn't tell me though so how would I know?
Of course if he was living with me as my husband, I could have taken care of him. So I shouldn't feel too bad.

I think I am going to tell him tomorrow that if he is ever that sick then he needs to tell me and I will just keep S so he can rest. Is that what divorced parents do?

[Seeing Red]

"I heard rest is supposed to be good for this. I never got any,so I don't know."

I felt bad for not knowing he felt as bad as I am feeling! He didn't tell me though so how would I know? Of course if he was living with me as my husband, I could have taken care of him. So I shouldn't feel too bad.

No, you shouldn't. You're not a mind reader! Don't let him guilt you into this.

I think I am going to tell him tomorrow that if he is ever that sick then he needs to tell me and I will just keep S so he can rest. Is that what divorced parents do?

It all sounds very civil, NM. Besides, you don't want the baby getting sick if you can help it.

Feel better!

[courageous wife]

Hope you ar feeling better NM!

(((NM)))

[Babydoll]

Hi Newmama... hope you are feeling better! glad to hear your H is helping you out...

[newmama]

Boy I think I keep surprising WH! hahaha!


He helped me put on the hinking backpack carrier and had to touch my body to adjust the straps, etc! I just stayed relaxed, didn't flinch and he could have just handed me the straps and said "here."

Then he lingered, took me outside with him, walked around the yard, I shared my input and opinions and asked him what he thought. He talked about what the landscapers can do. I felt a little odd like "this is weird- talking about our house and yard together when you are divorcing me and leaving the house here."

Then I asked him about babyproofing and he took me inside to show me his idea for the stove. I showed him my "ghetto" babyproofing of the tv buttons (used duck tape!) and he saw I ordered a modem and router (by myself, thank you) for my grandma. He seemed impressed.(I was ordering the rebates online so I had the boxes out).

I feel sooo much better for the rest and thanked him and touched his arm just as I planned to tell him that I would understand if he needed rest when he was sick! He looked at my hand on his arm-I only left it there for a second maybe 2 "hey! I wanted to tell you..." etc.

SO this week I start my cake decorating class! I have to see if it's Tues or Thursday. Yippee!

Oh and lost another 2 pounds...11 to go!

[Seeing Red]

You are on a tear, girl!

What I'm discovering is the more independent you become, the more confused they get.

Congrats on the weight loss! Always a sense of accomplishment!

[courageous wife]

I think you should change your name to Happymama!!!!

Great job on the weightloss and the cake decorating class!!! Oh, and the rest....

[flowmom]

Hi Newmama! (((hugs)))

I've been MIA but glad to read that you're still doing great things for yourself. You really do impress me and I think that your focus and planning is very positive. It would be a mistake to see you as a doormat because I know that your choices are conscious and strategic, and that you have the emotional resources to overcome disappointment, should that be your fate.

Your future looks bright, girl .

PS: Congrats on your progress on your weight loss goal. I hope that like me you're enjoying living in a "new body". You're looking great

[newmama]

Thanks CW and Red! Yes, I think the independence is key and flattering clothes don't hurt either!


Hi Flowmom! (((hugs to you!))) where have you been? lol!

Thank you for the encouragement and the compliment!You have a new hot bod, huh? Enjoy!!!

I am having fun with my last "hurrah" with WH! I won't post everything but I am just doing little experiments here and there. I still plan on going through with the big D in July and surprising WH with that as well! So I don't feel like I have anything to lose-just want him to think twice is all. I have seen the reality of D, looked it in the eye, and know what I am going to experience. I am ready if needed!