No contact with the children or me since Saturday when the letter fiasco broke.
H is supposed to be on holiday with her this week. If the news of her father dying is true they probably wouldn't go. H will be gutted as it was somewhere he wanted to go back to for a long time and it had been booked for a long time.
Just been talking to a neighbour who moved out 12 months ago.
Apparently H rang her when she was moving out last May to buy her dining room table as he was leaving me. I didn't know until July. Neighbour said it was very bizzare as H talked about a lot of personal things when they had only previously spoken about the garden or cars etc. I think the MLC fog was clouding his judgement and he thought she was a big friend. He never went for the table she sold it to someone else!
That's interesting about sharing personal information with relative strangers. My H is generally a very private person, but during his MLC he shared intimate thoughts and emotions with all sorts of inappropriate confidants. He did this right through into at least the initial stages of reconcilliation. He also found it very difficult to be honest about it, as though the rational part of his mind couldn't countenance what the other half had done.
My impression was that he was so immersed in his own depression and ego-centred viewpoint that he felt it defined him (and therefore was all he had to share with others), and also had lost all sense of how others would react.
Libby, very strange with the neighbor, but so MLC. Talking to her about personal things and telling her that he is leaving you before he told you? In his confusion he must have been looking for a sympathetic "friend" that wouldn't judge him or try to talk him out of it.
After the bomb I found on H's computer a list that he'd made before I found out about OW. It was a summary of personality traits as per my astrological sign...I guess he was trying to find some answers based on astrology????
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Libby, Your h telling the neighbor about moving out is not strange at all. It just proves that his mlc had already begun to take off. In his mind, he was already separated from you emotionally, therefore he saw no harm in expressing his motives, etc. w/the neighbor. Some of them do this long before we are made aware of the mlc situation completely.
H has been very quiet in his tunnel for over a 5 weeks now. No communication with me or the children despite exams going on in the house at the moment. Last communication was about the letter OW sent me which was less than loving!Then it was one text and voice mail message.
I sense he is doing a lot of thinking about where his life is going. I know he needs to be where he is and I need to leave him alone to carry on through the tunnel.
None of our friends or family who he recently contacted again have heard from him in a long time now.
As you've heard before, time stands still for them while they're in the tunnel. As you say, hopefully your H is using this time to reflect on himself. It sounds as though you have a good handle on where he is--and I hope that when he comes out, you'll feel that you had "long enough" to work on yourself!
I am a work in progress. Different to when he left but still some flaws that need ironing out.
I know the old marriage is dead and actually on reflection there are things within it that could have been done differently. I could have acted differently, but then so could he.
I have now found the old me not the wife and mother but who I was before I took on those roles. That in its self is very welcome.
I have now found the old me not the wife and mother but who I was before I took on those roles. That in its self is very welcome
That's where I'm right now, realizing how much of me was "on hold" while I was doing what was expected of me (and I volunteered for it nobody forced me) I was a mother and a wife first and then somewhere in the background was Mila the person.
It's actually fun to start re-discovering me...what do I like, what would I choose without being influenced and having to compromise to the wishes of H. I realize that lots of my interests are H's interests, that I would not develop otherwise. Some of them I will keep some of them I only liked because he liked them. Lets discover what we like just for us
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I am decorating at the moment. How empowering just to pick a colour without discussing and negotiating first.
Also before I was married I used to keep Guinea Pigs and I loved them. I have just been given a hutch and I am off to buy a couple tomorrow. I am so excited. They are for me and no one else.
I think it is also good for our H to see that we are and have always been the person they married and we can move on without them. Power to the LBS lol.
