Im guessing the ever changing emotions of the WAW is normal as part of the "fog" ?
Yesterday morning we had a really pleasant phone conversation for over an hour. She was due to come over to pick up the kids later anyway and some more of her stuff. She even said she was coming early so there would be time if I wanted to talk about anything. She said she also went to visit her grandmothers grave ( the person in her whole family that she was SUPER CLOSE to)Im SURE this was a contributing factor to her mood cycling wildly
So she gets here and everything is going pretty good. I asked her for the number of the MC she claimed she had called for us a couple weeks ago when everything exploded.
(Backstory) WAW tells me that on the day I went to file for custody she was on her way here to tell me we could reconcile this and she had made an appointment to see a MC that evening. That is until she found out I had filed for C)
So as part of my fact checking I wanted the number to call them( didnt tell her that ) So when I asked she seemed a tiny bit surprised, wanted to know why ,they only do MC , etc. I told her I understood that, but I'd still like to call them, find out what they offer , etc. She again said " they only do MC and we're not doing that for AWHILE " Then within a few minutes she said " I have to watch everything I say around you, you take it to literally " ???? As if she regreted having that " AWHILE " remark slip out , since she was now in the space of a few minutes saying it will take " YEARS " to fix this.
I simply stated how I understood where she was coming from but couldnt get my head around how HER desires flipped around so completley in two weeks. She said her feelings change DAILY !
She did acknowledge that she NEVER thought of our R as a 14 year affair. Which I have to take as a good sign. She admitted that it was not a " far leap " for her to intentionally or unintentionally ( my words not hers) rekindle things with her EX.
She wanted to grab some stuff and I know she has back problems and kidney problems so I offered to get it down for her and she got annoyed, saying " I just told him the same thing, I can do things for myself , chivalry died in the 50's " I countered " Im just trying to help ( being a friend ) she came back with ," I know but if I want help I'll ask " But one of her big problems in our R is her feeling like she did EVERYTHING around the house. Now Im trying to show her my 180 about that and she rejects it ?????
I had to run out to get some stuff. On the way back she called to see where I was cause she had to leave shortly. Then she was griping about being hungry and having to eat to take her meds, after about 2 or 3 offers from me to stop and pick her up something and her saying " no its ok " she finally accepted, which is ( from her perception of me always putting her last ) another 180 from me.
We ate with the DD, talked a little more while loading her stuff and then it was time for her to leave. She told me if I hadnt heard from her by 9pm ( so DD could say goodnight) for me to call her to speak to DD. I also had to let her know if I had any luck in getting tix's for me to take DD to a Monster Jam show tonite ( YES) !!
So when I called, spoke to DD for a few minutes and asked her to put mommy on the phone. Let her know I DID get the tickets and what time I wanted to pick her up ( this is the WAW's weekend ). She was "short" on the phone. I said " you sound annoyed I called or something " she responded " I am " I replied " you told me to call remember ?" She replied " Im trying to get ready to feed the baby , let slip an exasperated sounding sigh and asked if there was anything else ?" Nooo. " Ok bye " click.
She also did tell me yesterday that her counselors have diagnosed her with clinical depression, said they looked at post partum depression and their still evaluating for bi-polarism.
She claims they told her she didnt need meds or mood stabilizers as long as she was being 100% open and honest and willing to talk about her issue's with them , says they gave her personal contact numbers and she calls when ever she needs to and see's one in person at least once, sometimes twice a week.
Can depression REALLY be treated with ONLY counseling ????
Oh yea, she also asked me if I could pull 100 bucks out and exchange it with her for her paycheck ( she was out for the last week or two, working sporadically at best , thats why its so low) Which I did without hesitation. ( trying to be a friend again )
She also told me she didnt want me to " sugarcoat things" and that if I had something to say or tell her how I felt about something to just do so.
She also admitted that SOOOOO many things that were going on in the months leading up to the seperation where a major part of the problem.
Her " home " store closing , not knowing if she would be out of a job. Our financial struggles, my Dumb Guy Disease actions and comments, my telling her we only had about 4 weeks to find another place due to the bankruptcy, etc was all just to much to handle at once and she cracked under the strain. This does actually make sense, knowing her and how she deals with things.
I asked her if she thought that just things being different betweeen us would have made a difference and she admitted it probably would have.
Its just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO damn confusing. One minute/day we're talking nicely and she's sending tiny signals, the next she's rude, standoffish, short, etc. I cant tell if she's trying to push me away because she doesnt want to feel guilty that Im being so nice or if she's just really confused about whats going on and my changes and starting to second guess herself and doesnt want to let on.
I noted during our phone call how we were " getting along " better and she said it was because she felt she " didnt have to answer to me anymore , she could just hang up ,etc. If thats true, then she shouldnt have any reason to lie to me yes ??????
Because part of me still is convinced Im not getting the truth about her current arrangement and she doesnt want to tell me for fear of my reaction and that she'll lose ME for good.
Like I said before, even our joint counselor ( who really is doing MC for us , even if the WAW doesnt realize it ) has observed more then once that we care very deeply about each other.
When she left yesterday we were talking for another minute or so while she was sitting in the truck and I joked about if someone called her for an emergency concerning me , it would probably be cause I had a heart attack since I was going down to the rink later to start playing hockey again. She sorta smirked about that( it was something I did religiously on Friday nights back in the early part of of our R ) and said something like " Hey, since I've already lost 10 or 15lbs since this started, I might as well keep it up " She immediately looked at my belly ( which I had put on an extra 20 or 30 lbs over the last few years ) so I guess she's at least curious.
I THINK I may have locked in a deal on a new place, something I can afford on my own. Smaller , needs lots of cosmetic work, but the owner is really laid back and doesnt care what changes or improvements I make as long as their by code. Says he's draing up an agreement this weekend , structured as rent for first year, then flip to a lease purchase. I have some friends in construction trades that can help out. And I DO need a "project " to keep my mind off things. But there's also a "fringe benefit ".
I know what pushes her buttons in the attractiveness dept and I know she LOVES houses with deep front proches , porch swings,etc. I might not be able to develop a set of 6 pack abs in the next two months, but if she comes over to the new place to drop or pick up the kids and see's I've really gotten in shape AND the front porh style she likes is something Im building , thats GOT to have an effect. No doubt about it in my mind. I was working construction in the summer when we met, and a " manly man " in jeans, work boots and no shirt in the summer really gets to her.
So we'll see how it goes.
I REALLY want to point out to her just how much we have in common with whats going on. Her loss of hope, mine, her depression and mine, etc , etc. I dont understand why she cant see that 90% of this stuff is FIXABLE and something we have in common and its worth another shot, our kids deserve that much !!
