My XH didn't sleep well either. SA your explanations for this make sense.
Found this post on the MLC archives yesterday. You've probably seen it before, but this seems like a good time to resurrect it because it addresses several of the issues that have been discussed here recently. I know that you are moving forward for yourself --- not to manipulate your H --- but this perspective from a former MCL H (DB name: favoriteweirdo) gives some insight into what they are thinking when they do what they do. (BTW, the writer references BFM=butterflymom. BFM is his W.) GAG
What did the OW mean to you at the beginning, middle, and end of your MLC.
Beginning - FUN, EXCITING, SEXY, NEW, UNCHARTERED TERRITORY that I was caught up in. Living in the moment not giving much of a damn about anything else was what I was all about.
Middle - Hmmm... Maybe OW is not the peach (coincidentally, she is from Georgia) I thought she was. The newness was wearing off. Who she was and what she was like to live with was beginning to set in. I started comparing BFM and what I had with her to OW... Reality check starting...
End (not sure that this is the end, although I pray it is) - OW is not my "soulmate". She does have a lot of redeeming qualities, but our relationship was built on the back of lies, lies and more lies coupled with shame, betrayal, hurt and disgust. I realized she and I would be much better people if we broke all contact and never looked back at each other again. I needed to rebuild my marriage with BFM and she needs to move on and find a man that treats her with respect, who loves her like no other, but is not married...
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I guess what Im asking is were you ever worried that BFM was mad at you and it so why?
Yes. I worried all the time. Sometimes, I wanted her to show anger so I could argue my side (warped as it was). I am a master at manipulating any argument to go my way. At times, I wanted validation that what I was doing hurt and that our M meant enough to show it. Don't know why, but there you go... My thinking was not always rational.
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If he doesnt want to be with me, why would me being in a hurry or acting like something is more important than him bother him? Just wondering if you had these thoughts.....and maybe why
I did. B/c I wanted to maintain some knowledge of what she was doing b/c we were still married. Double standard? Absolutely. Another twisted scenario of wanting to be the playboy while BFM was the good wife and Mom. I was not sure if I wanted to be with her or not, but I damn sure wanted her to miss me. I was diefinitely scared out of my gourd about her moving on. I knew I could not blame her, but I had to let her know in a crazy way that I cared/was jealous about anything that may take precedence over what little attention or time I gave her.
Last edited by goodattitudegirl; 06/12/1003:12 PM.
