Our kids, they see things, know things, that we would like to hide from them. My S is almost the same age as yours. He is actually the one who thought MLC first.
Your answer to him was a good one. He may have more questions, questions that you really don't have the answers to right now, because you really don't know what is going to happen.
What is important to remember is to make sure that he understands that this is not because of him and that you are always going to be there and you love him.
I am sorry that you had to answer those questions but we can't hide things from them forever. When they are closer to adult hood, it is even harder. The less of the gory details that you reveal to any of your kids or friends and family, the better. While you might get angry enough to want to shout to the world what H has done, in the long run, it isn't something that you really want to do.
As far as the trying to smooth things over with your H and S and H getting mad...
That was actually you trying to control the situation. I am not saying that was your intention, but it was definately how your H saw it.
Unless it is getting to the point of abusive conversation or behavior, you MUST allow them to have their own relationship, almost like you don't exist when they are interacting.
Learn to recognize these behaviors in yourself. This is what we mean by looking in the mirror. As you can step outside and SEE what it looks like from another perspective, you may be surprised how it looks.
Please take some time to read about MLC. You may have to read and reread, until it really starts to make sense. It will help you.
Yes, I have seen odd money things, odd laundry things, my H started washing his own laundry, making his own dinner, but for almost a year and a half, he didn't even think to offer anything to his S food, even if I was not home, he has washed two loads of towels, and one load of S's laundry. They learn to be very alone in their heads.
I want to ask, your name, is that because you are from Ireland, or are you just of Irish decent? If you are in Ireland, I may have someone you can get in touch with, a wonderful woman, who used to post here.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
