Allen and Puppy - you guys are great. We are so blessed to have you on here.
Think I might have stepped backwards a bit tonight. My H. had daughter in our house while I was at work (counselor suggested that this might tug at his heart strings a bit) - when I came home, he wanted to talk. I tried to avoid, he pursued. He was hell bent on trying to convince me that this was the first time he crossed the line - oh, and "it's not like there's anything going on between them" - it was just a stupid drunk move on his part and she has since told him "oh yeah, it was stupid - you were drunk". He says there is no R or A with her.
I probably should have been more aggressive in the no talking, but of course I let it continue because I was hoping he would tell me he wanted to work on things. Nope - just doesn't want me calling it an "affair" when it was a single transgression . . . and he got me to the point where I let a few angry remarks out . . . which I had been trying to avoid.
While he was there his sister called - said she was calling "for his mom" who was too choked up to call me. Apparently, my MIL been a wreck for the past day because I'm taking my daughter out of town to visit my mom 8 hours away. We live a mile from his parents and they love our daughter. I made sure they knew that I wasn't leaving forever - I guess they thought this would be a logical decision for me given the circumstances. She let me know that both she and her husband thought that he was a real idiot and support me. Since my husband was there (she called in the middle of our talk), I didn't really think to react and ask her to tell my husband to end the affair and go back to his family. I'm considering emailing her to tell her just that.
My MIL wanted SIL to call me to make sure it's okay if my FIL comes over tomorrow to say good bye to my daughter. They are taking this hard and so I am feeling badly for them.
Okay - so at this point I don't think anyone thinks I want to save this marriage. I was colder than I wanted to be with my H - and I didn't clearly articulate to my SIL that I want to save the marriage. So, not sure how to fix that.
Also - I'm not quite ready to give him a "last chance" ultimatum - I don't think he'll accept it at this point as he's still holding quite a bit of anger and self righteousness. I want to let him know that I haven't thrown in the towel without giving him the power back completely. I'm definitely in charge right now and I like it, but I don't want the consequence of having the power to be that I lose my M.
