When an OM or OW enters your marriage...fight back! Your WS and their AP are in a common stature to destroy your marriage. Do not lay down and let them take it.
Stand up! Get composure! I know this hurts more than anything imagined, but you have to stay focused.
Your WS is no longer in the right frame of mind. They have let fantasy become their reality. You must keep your composure or they will pull you into their fantasy and make it your reality also.
Fight Back! Do not beg or let them confuse you with their fog babble.
Keep your hands on the pulse of reality. Tell them that you love them, but will not be a part of marriage where a third party is involved.
Expose them to your family and their family. Expose them at work and to close friends.
This will be met with venom, but tell them that I'm trying to save our marriage and it may not seem like it, but i'm doing this for us.
Your WS is not themselves, they have let themselves go down a road of destruction because of self-entitlement,self-gratificatiom,self-esteem issues,poor communication and passive aggressive behavior.
Fix the things in you that you know need fixing. If you were neglectful in areas,fix that. If you were passive aggressive, fix that.
By no means is this saying that you were at fault for their affair, that is theirs and theirs alone.
However, unless you were a saint and the WS has a serious disorder that needs attention, there may be some things in you that need attention.
Fight Back! Confront the AP every time contact is made.
Make their life hell. Expose to their husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are single expose to their parents or close relatives. Most of all keep tabs on your WS. Cut off all things that you have control over that they may use to continue the affair. Use VARs,Keyloggers and check for "affair phones" and cross check the cell phone bill.
Fight Back!
Foggy WS's are like dealing with addicts. They must be cut off from the "drug" and means to get that "drug".
Do not bargain. Lay down your boundaries and if your boundaries are crossed, lay out and play out the consequence.
If it's an exit affair and they are POSITIVE that it's over (because WS's will say that the marriage is over in fogspeak) then let it go.
Do what it takes to heal yourself and move on as best you can.
Lots of WS's never really want to leave their marriage, we just act out irresponsibly and selfishly. Not always aware of the damage we are causing and have caused.
But a BS fighting back against our unstableness will be the bane to get our minds back to reality.
We have justified our wrong actions. We have made a scenario that is not acceptable, acceptable in our minds. Fight Back and be a light in the fog.
If you choose not to fight back then that is your right, for no one deserves to be a product of infidelity.
But if you choose to fight, be vigilant, be firm and be victorious.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I will read this article right now. Thank you for link. But with my H, I think he's POSITIVE our M is over but I feel I should still contact OW and expose to her family.
M:27 H: 33 M:10/07 T:9 yrs H moves away for drug recovery: 3/2010 ILYBINILWY & wants D:5/02/10 Confirmed OW:5/21 Told MIL:5/25(only concerned about H's recovery) Told FIL:5/28(will speak to him)
You can't QS... Just do the work... stop analyzing and running down negative tunnels man..
QS you seem to be a magnet for the WRONG WAY to think...
You want to listen to everything your wife says and believe it You engage in conversation with her to subject yourself to abuse You believe her lies You immediately react to a situation rather than thinking it through You follow all the negatives like a mouse hunting cheese...
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Do the work, watch the video...
If it IS an exit affair you won't know unless SHE LEAVES FOR GOOD.. you won't know its an exit affair until two years after the divorce and she's moved across the country...
Let it GO and do something constructive...
I have BEEN there man... LISTEN TO ME... you are going to make yourself ILL... STOP IT
If it IS an exit affair you won't know unless SHE LEAVES FOR GOOD
Well, she HAS filed for divorce, but she plans on living in the house until the assets begin to be divided (says she doesnt have enough money). I am going to assume that if it WERE an exit affair, she'd have taken everything she owns and actively found another place to live so she could mess around with those guys.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Well, she HAS filed for divorce, but she plans on living in the house until the assets begin to be divided (says she doesnt have enough money). I am going to assume that if it WERE an exit affair, she'd have taken everything she owns and actively found another place to live so she could mess around with those guys.
QS, I am getting frustrated with you here... I TOLD you to STOP this crap... wondering if its an exit affair or not gets you WHAT?
How does that HELP YOUR MARRIAGE at ALL?
Do you feel better analyzing that?
It is USELESS and DESTRUCTIVE to go there.. LEAVE it ALONE and do something useful OK?
