Question

[awest1217]

So H's birthday today, and I text him at midnight to say Happy Birthday. In the morning, he said thank you for that and how did I remember he always wanted a midnight birthday text. I really didn't remember it until he mentioned it, but I will take credit. On the same text, he tells me he has been throwing up all night (as always) and just wanted me to know. In other words, I don't want to come over so I want to make an excuse where you will tell me not to come over.

I told him ok and if he doesn't want to come over just say it. He asks if I am angry and I said yes because he does this all the time. We plan something and he gets "sick".

He ends up coming over in the morning and for lunch instead of dinner, but he doesn't feel well so won't eat anything so I didn't eat either. He wanted to do everything, like clean up around the house, make me lunch, etc. I didn't get that at all. He even made his own brownies for his birthday, which he ate one and then felt really sick.

Pretty much completely uneventful and stupid. He is still supposedly "sick", but I could care less. It is events like this that make me want to tell him to not talk to me anymore.

Oh and to make matters crazier, he has psoriasis on his scrotum and I saw something on TV about a new laser treatment and text him how I thought that was interesting. He responds no lasers near his balls (understandable), but then I said all that may happen is like when he uses creams it will make him not able to have kids (we found that out as I couldn't get pregnant while he used the medicine, but once he stopped we got pregnant right away with S). He said that at least with the medicine he just has to stop using it to have another kid, and I said if you ever want to have one.

I don't know. I am just so stupid for even trying anymore. I knew this would happen and I know I need to just kick him to the curb, but I can't. I am scared. It isn't like he is a husband or even a boy friend now. We don't ever do anything at all so I have been alone for over a year. I don't understand why I can't just tell him to leave me alone. I don't know if it is the fact that I don't want to cut off any possible hope, or what. I don't want to D. I don't want to cut him out, but he doesn't deserve me. I do so much better when he isn't in the picture. I just don't know. I think now that I have my major projects done, I am feeling lonely because although it is nice to have a break, it gives me a lot of down time like tonight, and it should be spent with my H on his birthday even if he is sick. I should be taking care of him, but I can't, and I have to just let him go.