Besides the legalities of it all the reason it is VERY important NOT to discuss anything with your H about the proceedings are as follows:
You have NO CLUE what your H told his attny and chances are he did not tell the full truth about what he has been up to. My H failed to tell his attny he had been having an affair for 6 months and painted the picture to his attny that we simply decided we could not make our marriage work.
Attnys can only advise their client based on the information that is supplied. Once I received the paperwork, retained counsel and filed all my motions/petitions and responses my H's attny was a bit stunned with the information "my side" provided.
Chances are your H will hear what he likes from the attny and discard the rest. Your H will try and convince you that YOU are the one making this hard.
My H would see his attny and call or e-mail me to tell me what he said (so stupid, lol!). I would listen but know my attny was telling me something totally different. Listen but don't engage. Extract the facts as my attny used to say!
Also he has been very nice. Don't know if it's because he is happy that we r going through with this and this is what he wants or the fact that i've remained calm and been 180ing and only texting regarding kids really.
He took s5 to a baseball game and I suggested that s sleep at his place. He agreed. He sent me pics of S (who caught two balls!) and then today he has been texting me throughout the day
it seems OW hasn't told him about our convo. He hasn't said anything. It's not like him to keep that to himself.
We text regarding s and then he text me asking me if we are going to do this in a civil manner or not. We went back and forth and I told him I was only looking out for the kids and I never said I wouldn't help get us out of this debt.
He then said that all he has wanted is to get our life back and the kids back to normal and get our lifestyle back. We just went back and forth. I kept myself short but precise. I told him that alot of the problems we have had would have been avoided had he been honest. He said he had been and asked me what would I think he wasn't honest about.
I then said that we will do this in a civil manner and that i would have a paternity test for D and i want one for OW. He didn't acknowledge that part of the text.
He then said that he has never been a person trying to hurt me or take anything from me. That he has have a good Heart and always said he would never leave me out there but he feels I am after 11 years.
I then said this. (sorry my fingers hurt from typing lol)
No I'm not. I just wish you would have been honest with me H and told me your intentions. You played me along. I know you're confused but whatever happens, it's going to affect me and these kids just as much as you. It's like you're trying to handle everything on your own.
And this
I know that this whole business overseas thing got out of hand. Maybe you're trying to handle it on your own but it's not working. You need to be honest. I won't punish you for Being honest.
Then he said
I have not played anyone along and I have been working and trying to get things back on track. it's just hasn't been working. everthing has come down and I'm not selling drugs. u r crazy
and I replied this and he never responded to this. Only sent me other texts about S and what they were doing and asking what I was doing.
Yes but you made me believe that we were working on us. That wasn't true or your intention. I wish you would have been honest. It would have caused alot less problems for us.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
If you were expecting him to be honest about something he has been lying to you about up until now, that wasn't going to happen just because you wanted it to happen.
If he had come back begging for his wife and family back, that might have been a good time to demand honesty.
It wasn't going to work like this though. I think you sense that.
I know that it is hard. Part of you wants your M and family back together, part of you is afraid that taking him back is a mistake, so you are trying to rush through it, and who knows... because you don't know... you might not be sure you can play this out slow like it would have to play out if it were going to work out that your M is saved?
It's hard stuff. You don't want to pull back. You want an admission if nothing else before you can commit yourself to hoping again?
Hang in there. You said what you said because it was how you were feeling.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I thought that it would get easier. But this is hard
he was just over to drop son off
perfectly pleasant. Making conversation and laughs.
I was too and tried not looking at him because when I did, I wanted to just cry.
He stayed for a while. Caught a few glimpses. But no R talk or anything. He was trying to get us to go to a tournament of his tomorrow. (actually said you kids and mommy will come) but luckily S said he didn't want to come.
He came back in. Kids sat down to eat. He ate a few bites from D's plate. I offered him some but he said he was dieting. And then said good night guys and kissed and hugged the kids and went to bed.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
