I think the best thing you can do for yourself when your W says nasty things to you in an argument is simply say "sorry you feel that way" and end it there. An argument can only continue if you participate.
Hurtful statements by the WAS can cut you (generally speaking) to your core but really, you can't control what somebody chooses to verbalize but you can control how you react to it.
As far as where to serve her I would simply choose the most efficient and direct location and that be that. You are responding because the law requires you to the goal is to respond and get her the necessary paperwork.
Job hunting is tough. It is like a job in itself. Be creative in ways to earn money or networking contacts while you look for stable/full time work.
