Wow, it's been a busy week for you too. I hear a lot of what you say as if it was coming from myself. Yes, trying to take on the role of mom and dad by yourself (my H may come around more but he's still a pretty absent father even when he is there) is a tough role to fill. CTH is definitely right when he says it's easier when the spouse is involved in the child's life and can help facilitate a healthy R with both sides of the family. It's hard for us, when we want for S's sake to be involved in H's family, but don't necessarily want to for ourselves.
It's hard to know what to suggest though - in one way, you don't want to say to give up that little bit of hope you have, but on the otherhand, that also is what keeps you open to hurt. As long as you can continue to detach so that his actions (or lack of), don't get to you, you can kind of continue on as it. I think sometimes I'm just overly optimistic here, but I have a hard time giving up hope, b/c it's not over til it's over. I think you just have to go with what feels right to you right now. I think sometimes some things may be good for us (like possibly setting boundaries,or not contacting them, or etc) but it just has to be apart of our own journey to get a point to be able to do that. I even think about H regarding this. Yes, he needed the brain scan, therapy, and this surgery, and no matter how much I told him this would be good for him, he had to get there and realize it himself. (not to say what you are doing right now is wrong, just that it's all about timing, and at some point, you may be ready to move on completely, or to put up a boundary about no communication except regarding S, or even D, but that time is not now, b/c it doesn't feel right to you at this time). This is coming out a little convoluted, but I think you know what I mean. Just don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing great!
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
