I started checking the county court website to see if anything has been filed and so far nothing...but it may take sometime to post.
Hey glam- My D will be gone June 21,22 and part of the 23rd (her b-day) so I should be available pretty much anytime until she comes home on the 23rd depending on what I need to get done for her b-day. I can meet up with you for a while on the 24th for lunch or shopping. Hmmm...tattos and body piecings huh...maybe if we were having our own MLC! ha! Maybe we should go out and find some younger guys so we can become cougars!
Hi peace- I really wish you could join us for lunch. That would be great. Maybe we need to plan a trip to your state next!
No word from my H. I checked the court website again this morning and still nothing posted. It just goes to show that I can't figure out what is going through my H's head. I thought he would stall more on getting his things and getting the D paperwork done and he didn't. Then I thought he would file right away after I signed the documents and as far as I can tell he hasn't. Oh well, I am done trying to figure him out.
I am so close to being out of this limbo he11...so close but not there yet. I need forward movement but here I am still waiting for him to make a move. Ugh!
I met a friend of mine last weekend and she asked how I could stand being in limbo for so long. The thing is (at least for me), I don't see it as limbo. There is nothing I can't do (except get married), so, for me it's all a state of mind. I'm not waiting. Doesn't make any of the messes hurt any less, he just isn't my H now, legally married or not, he is emotionally gone from me.
What do you think would work for you to reframe the sitch? Is there any reframing for you? Some people really need concrete in or out.
I know this totally sux for you. I hope you have a good weekend.
The thing is (at least for me), I don't see it as limbo. There is nothing I can't do (except get married), so, for me it's all a state of mind. I'm not waiting. Doesn't make any of the messes hurt any less, he just isn't my H now, legally married or not, he is emotionally gone from me.
This is exactly how I feel as well, Grace.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
<<<sigh>>>...my H still hasn't filed the papers unless he did it today. I sent him an email yesterday asking about the status of the filing and the email got kicked back for some reason. So, I was driving past my H's office building on my way home yesterday and I saw his car there so I decided to go up and ask in person. When I walked in his office he seemed adjitatated that I showed up without warning. I saw the divorce papers were sitting in the same exact spot I had left them in 12 days before. He asked why I was there and I explained that I just wanted to find out if the papers had been filed. He told me that he thinks "the whole thing is weird" ...I asked "What whole thing?" He said that I am pushing to get the D filed. I said it has been over 3 years and I think it is weird that he can't commit to the M and that he would prefer just to continue to sit on the fence. I can tell all of this bothers him and he isn't happy about the situation but I don't see him changing. He claims he hasn't filed the papers because he needs to review them. I gave him several opportunities to tell me what he thinks is weird other than I am pushing for the D and he couldn't tell me anything. My take on it is that he wants everything to keep going on his way with no real committment. I can't. That isn't what I signed up for. For whatever reason, he has done the bait and switch...and I don't care all that much about this new guy who only cares about what he wants.
I was thinking about how I have spent the last 3 years trying to understand my H and why he feels the way he feels. He could probably understand how I feel if he thought about it for about 3 seconds.
Grace and Twink-I agree that I don't have to look at it as limbo but I am one of those people who are either all in or all out. I don't want to spend another year wondering if my H will change his mind. If he does ever change his mind and can be more of the person I need him to be, then we can re-evaluate at that time. I just won't feel comfortable dating other men if I am married and don't feel that is a good example for my kids. I know I don't have to be in a relationship to be happy but I would prefer to find companionship after all, my nest will be empty in another year.
I told my H I would like the D to be final before the end of the year and in my state, the D can be final 6 months after filing. So, he has until the end of the month to file. we will see if that happens.
I really want to spend most of the next year focusing on my kids since time is running out with them living at home...however, it would be nice to know that I am free to date on occasion if someone nice were to come along.
Yeah Upside because your h wants it all on his timing. They forget that another's life is involved. I am sure he wasn't happy that you showed up, he did not ask you to and you caught him off guard. I do believe the MLC is much about control as mcuh as it is about depression.
It sounds like you are pushing pushing for the D. I don't blame you, but your h is acting just as we thought he would. Stalling, confused, not sure what to do. Paralyzed to act. Wow, it's too bad they can't just snap out of it. It amazes me what keeps them so stuck.
Same old theme can't move forward or move home, but don't want to get a D either! How long does that play out? STUCK!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Upside You make perfect sense I agree with your evaluation he wants everything to stay the same
It appears at this point you have nothing to lose by pushing forward Like you said, if he snaps out you can start over then and if he doesnt you will be ready to move on Your children are almost grown and you will want to create a new life for you It will be good and you never know what might happen in the process but I sense it will be better than Limbo peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
It only has to make sense for you. I get what you're saying, I really do. I also feel the tug occassionally to just have an answer either way. The thing is, in my case, I suspect I already know the answer. So, I don't ask the question, b/c I don't want the answer.
Could I handle any answer that was given? Yes. I just want him to own it, by taking the responsibility to do what he wants done instead of me doing it.
You're right about the time with you kids flying by. I made the mistake of blinking
...I asked "What whole thing?" He said that I am pushing to get the D filed. I said it has been over 3 years and I think it is weird that he can't commit to the M and that he would prefer just to continue to sit on the fence. I can tell all of this bothers him and he isn't happy about the situation but I don't see him changing. He claims he hasn't filed the papers because he needs to review them. I gave him several opportunities to tell me what he thinks is weird other than I am pushing for the D and he couldn't tell me anything. My take on it is that he wants everything to keep going on his way with no real committment. I can't. That isn't what I signed up for. For whatever reason, he has done the bait and switch...and I don't care all that much about this new guy who only cares about what he wants.