frustrated. just wish i didn't have to have any contact with him at all. a simple email from him still makes my heart plunge. (yes still! and all it took was seeing that it was an EMAIL from him... nothing to do with what he wrote or anything!!)
Divorce doesn't bring "death"
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
this board brings us together in many ways. my heart is aching for someone on here. and for the truth of the UGLINESS of this whole thing!! my heart is aching for my friend!!!
we need to look outside our selves. look at those around.
jeez'... just jeez
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
trying to figure out how all of the new me fits together. it is confusing....
also - trying to figure out what to do with my time. i come home, take care of dinner and then dont know what to do. i am pretty good at TASK's so often all my task are done. Flowers are pruned, weeds pretty much plucked (Though that is an on going battle.) I just dont know what to do with my time.
My daughter is only 13.. yes she could be home alone... but i dont want to leave her alone. TOO many teens are alone too much... so what do i do with this evenning time?
it is wierd it is hard again.. evenning time.
I have a house now again- and it is like I am having a hard time this summer settling in. My normal summer routine is beer and pool. This summer that will be a little different.. the pool isn't within walking distance like it was at the apt. ... and I dont drink like I did (Which BOTH are good things!HA!) but it is a NEW adjustment and change.. I just have to figure it out.
Lots of me changes lately.
For those of you reading and wondering.. oh my x is off and quiet.. which is normal. He is in his own world. HE will have his weekend pick up and pretend he is a father on Friday - and have d13 back Sunday evenning. I have already told d13 that she can spend time with him .. even stay the night sunday if she wants.. she says "nahh". we will see what happens when it all comes around.
I feel like my depression is a bit heavier lately. I believe I am finally morning. (sorry about the spelling). It has only taken me 3 years to get here (kidding) but it is like I know.. it is done.
I sill believe in God - in what HE can do if someone is willing. My x is not willing. He had not only changed, but completely run from who he was. Even d13 sees it.. she mentions things every now and then... like "he is so different"...
sorry i am babbling..just so much on my mind..
so many days of hurt and saddness. I want to feel whole and complete again. Since he left there has been a huge hole in me... God IS filling it.. it is just still so empty...
NOt going to wallow. Just venting.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Thinking of you Cagz and hoping you will feel whole again very soon. God is good and he will take care of you as he always has.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
haven't seen his face or talked to him in 3 weeks. this is a good thing for me. would love to be able to continue through summer... just need to be done.
i am not standing. i am not sitting.
i am believing GOD for my future and not man.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Oh Cagz, it is not ridiculous. We devoted our lives to these men who threw it all away for a taste of lust and fantasy life. It is hard to wrap your mind around such waste and cruelty.
You are not alone in your grieving and sadness you just express it better than most.
Beer and the pool sound good to me....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thinking of you CagZ. You sound like you are holding onto past hurts. God can fill that if you ask.
Anything is possible with God. Are you praying for your ex h? If so, has God helped you in identifying what to pray for him?
There is nothing wrong with taking time in healing. I personally feel we all let go and heal when it is the right time for us. Doesn't mean we are stuck, just need it to be the right time. It's not a race. Afterall, the LBS were not typically the ones that wanted to end the M, but we are left with all the wreckage.
Try to think of the positives in your ex h. At least he is spending time with his D.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
