Not sure which way to go anymore

[Abbey]

Just one other thing comes to mind.

Don't remember if I mentioned it here or not,... but my T way back when... had me do tasks in 1 minute and 5 minute intervals. To try to do more just simply overwhelmed.

I do mean it when I say, I was trashed. Totally empty when this whole thing started. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and refuse to do anything. All I cared about was my cats and sleep. I fed my cats ... and stayed in bed. The bed quite literally shook from anxiety. The shaking thing has stayed with me on and off, to this day, oddly enough.

Anyhoo... It took me weeks to unpack even the essentials for my kitchen etc. I'd sometimes get these bursts of energy when I would get really angry at myself for being so depressed. I headed off to Ikea once,... managed to load 90 pound boxes in the SUV, then into the hallway at home. Stacked them... then after it was all done... I just sat on them and cried for I don't know how long. The first time I cut my grass, I cried because I did all by myself.

I had to learn to be self reliant all over again. Those who knew me, and know me now, would have never believed just how far down the ladder I had drifted.

My point Mystik is... it does get better. Take a page from that T's advice. Don't pick the hardest job and try to do it all with your house etc. One minute jobs. Five minute jobs. That's it. Do one of each per day, then work yourself up from there.

For me at the beginning, it meant loading the dishwasher. (5 minute job)... and then leaving the 1 minute job til bed time,... pour the soap in... and push the one button. THAT was how far into the funk I had fallen. I worked myself up to making sure every day that I washed my hair, styled it, and put on my make up. Then I would walk every day (a 1 minute walk) to the mail box... to get my mail. It was something somedays I had to force myself to do. There were days I just simply would rather of flushed myself down the toilet.

So: find 1 and 5 minute jobs for yourself. And yes.. you're doing that with DS... but if you can work up to doing something for the house (buy a hanging plant for your front porch or balconey and water it every day... /and something for yourself - take a bubble bath,... go look for an old favor song on youtube to listen to etc. From there, it does work up to you learning all sorts of new things about yourself.

FWIW, along with Mort and DB books... find a couple of those books on male/female attraction. You'll get a couple of things in there that help with the whole "having an affair with your own H" thing.

Oh... and I did finally get those book shelves put together... all by myself... If I remember correctly, (some of those times are a bit of blur)... it took about 2 weeks to get them all out of my front hall. ... Morale of the story: One bite at a time... just keep biting

*hugs*
Abbey