Dont be surprised if she continues to cycle with these emotions and feelings being shared with you. Then they pull away for a bit.
When my H was in MLC, I would get way too excited when he would text or talk to me about his feelings. I would then get really upset too - when he would pull back afterwards.
It was such a constant rollercoaster back and forth like that for months. However, on the other hand I do feel like this is really good for your situation. Becuase by letting her share her feelings when she is comfortable - will start to win her trust back in you.
This is the MLC game - it will repeat and repeat until they are through it all. But one day or another they usually always get through it in the long run.
My point I was hoping to make is that I worry that Miss's concept of 'good' or 'encouraging' is out of whack unless it is fantastical golden good made of 100% AWESOME rainbow pooping unicorns. And to him...that would be: "Ok I guess."
There is no doubt that those text's she sent were really good, I did not mean to downplay the significance of what she said. In fact, when she said she "missed being a mom and a wife" I thought the heavens had openned up and it was raining mana, my prayers had been answered.
I think that I have had to "get used to" these more overt positive signs from her and not get so excited. Maybe that is why I downplayed thier significance in my earlier post.
Seeing a unicorn with rainbow's coming out of its arse would be interesting but if that unicorn was putting out $100 bills now that would be exciting.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Posted a pic from last night on the alt a few minutes ago.
Last night went fine, nothing earth shattering from her just alot of smiles from her. I did look at her in a more loving way, as if I was on a date with her and trying to make good eye contact with her and smile alot.
She did pick up on the vibe b/c at least 3 pr 4 times she would say "What?" or "What is it?" when I was looking at her. I could tell she was enjoying the attention I was giving her. I think I have found that level of detatchment that allows me to act this way towards her and not have any expectations.
I am not sure but I would say I am feeling confident in myself again, I know I have changed and I am not going back to the old me. I think she might be picking up on that confidence and maybe on some level might be attracted to it.
My S9, my W and myself had an enjoyable dinner outside. We had a couple of Corona's which is never a bad thing. LOL
My W loves to shop a Goodwill to find superdeals on stuff, and there is one right next to this restaurant. She knows I hate...errr...don't care to go in there but she asked if I wanted to join her and S9 after dinner while she looked around.
Not rainbow fecal matter coming out of a unicorn but still it is good stuff. Is that better Jack?
So we go into Goodwill and my W picks out some shoes and jeans, I compliment her on the shoe selection and offer to hold the shoes while she tries on the jeans, all smiles and good vibes, it is like old times. Like the nightmare never happened, this is where I would get my emotions involved before.
So we finish up and are walking out to the cars and I already decided that I was going to move in for a hug and or a peck on the cheek. I bent down and hugged my S9 and stood and she was starting to move past me to get in her car and I gently touched her arm and she stopped and gave her a kiss on the cheek, bid them both farwell and got in the car and left.
All in all it was good. Went home, the neighbors came over and we sat on the patio and had Little Friday. It was good.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
My W loves to shop a Goodwill to find superdeals on stuff, and there is one right next to this restaurant. She knows I hate...errr...don't care to go in there but she asked if I wanted to join her and S9 after dinner while she looked around.
Your wife loves it, why do you hate it?
Nice job by the way.
Look at it this way,
Your wife WANTS you to spend time with her, I'm sure she could find someone else to spend time with if you weren't up to it.
This new realationship...it is NOT all about her changing to suit you.
ppftp...trying to appease me is the wrong focus don't you think?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Dont be surprised if she continues to cycle with these emotions and feelings being shared with you. Then they pull away for a bit.
When my H was in MLC, I would get way too excited when he would text or talk to me about his feelings. I would then get really upset too - when he would pull back afterwards.
Tipper, I did the same thing for at least a couple of months now and we were both on a cycle. She even said a couple of weeks ago that she would let her guard down and then I would say or do something and the wall would go back up again.
It was not until I caught some real wood in the head one night from a good friend that I could see the cycle we were both on. It revolved around our weekends with my son. I don't know this but I strongly suspect OM#1 is back in the picture and I would get upset by this and right before her "weekend off" I would say or do something that would totally tear down the trust I had built up over the last 2 weeks.
I have been able to remove myself emotionally from the thoughts of her with OM whether it is true or not, there by getting off that roller coaster. The other coaster I have to watch out for is what you mention here about the "highs" I get from the positive baby steps from her, and not have any expectations, definitely not easy.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Actually, I don't hate it. And I am strange in that I actually like shopping with my W. I just don't care for shopping at Goodwill. But I get your point and yes I would do anything at this point just to spend some time with her.
Thanks
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I second that....btw...happy day after happy thursday.
Keep stepping..and FTR if I am in your neck of the woods...I will def. take you up on the corona.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Having a great time right now with my wife and son, celebrating his 10th Bday!!! Lots of touching going on, lots of eye contact, Son is having a great time with a couple of friends and wife and I are talking about old times. Someone pinch me....Actually keeping things in perspective, but this is GREAT!!! Just wanted to share. I will jump on later...putting pics on alt in a bit. Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I can't believe I am about to post this but hell I have shared just about everything else in my life with you all at this point.
It is 9:45 on a Sunday night and normally I am running around the house getting ready for the week. Kids, school, work, lunches, breakfast, laundry.......NOT TONIGHT!!!! My wife is passed out on the couch as I type this.
Let me jump to the chase.....we had sex tonight!!!! Totally unexpected on my part.
Was it alcohol induced? Yes. Do I care? No.
As I said in my last post, we were celebrating my S9's 10th birthday which is not until July 5th but we celebrate early b/c no one is around on the 5th. So we took a couple of his friends to this place where you paint ceramic pottery, figures, and stuff. Fun, right??? actually it is, better yet they serve beer and wine. Sorry if I offend any tea todlers out there, too bad....My W and I enjoy good food and good wine and good beer when a more casual setting is present.
So she comes over to the house and we all ride in the same car to the ceramic place. We set up the boys and I go and order a beer and a glass of wine for her. It is relaxing the boys are enjoying the craft time and my W and I are talking, touching and generally enjoying each other's company. Well a couple of glasses of wine and a couple of beers later we are feeling pretty good and the eye contact is strong.
We finish up at the ceramic place and head for home. We stop for pizza for the boys and she holds the pizza in her lap. Then starts the sexual inuendo (spelling ??? don't care) and eventually beach music comes on, that is Carolina Beach Music. My W and I love to shag, yes that is shag dancing!!! At this point it is obvious that we are both on the same page and the attraction is unbearable.
We get back to the house and send the boys inside and as soon as they get in the house we are all over each other. I can't believe this.... just 2 days ago I am in agonizing deep emotional pain and today my W, whom I love more than life itself is all over me like white on rice!!!!
We go inside and get the boys settled with some pizza and drinks and we can not keep our hands off of each other!!! The boys are fine and we slip off to the bathroom in another part of the house and it is raw attraction, but I don't care.
I always said I would make her get a test for STD's, don't care...(yes I am a dumbass, again I don't care)....I have not kissed, hugged or touched my W in a real affectionate way in almost a year (June 30th 2009) If I died today that would be fine with me.
It was awesome, exciting, erotic, insane, but most importantly it was real......Oh how I had imagined this moment for months.
The odd thing is that I am detatched...my emotions aren't there. I know she may wake up, regret what happened and we are right back where we left off. However there is a part of me that hopes......what can this lead to.
I keep telling myself this. I am changed for me and only for me. If she wants this that is great, if not that is fine too, her loss.
Son is in bonus room with friend for sleep over, D13 is at friends for a sleep over. (S9 has been sleeping in my bed for the last 10 months....got the bed to myself, D13 is not here, S9 is in other room. I know she may go home when she wakes but ohh for her to spend the night......WAKE UP DUMB ASS....DON'T FUKC THIS UP!!!!!!
Gotta stay detatched....no expectations.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
